Most of my readers know that I started my career as a recruiter, so I am in a business rooted in exploring, learning and understanding other people’s perspectives and pairing them with an organization who compliments and enhances their passions, interests and skills.  We interview thousands of candidates and hiring managers and most of us have some funny stories about the things we’ve heard or what we’ve seen during the interview process.  Another area of discussion, inside our industry, is the “cross generational” leadership and how 4 generations will survive in the current world of work.  Boomers, X’rs, GenY and now GenZ (birth years in the late 90’s-current) are either in the workforce now or will be entering in a few years and I have been fascinated by the discussion around how each of the generations think, act and lead.  Summary from my experiences; boomer=work ethic & worth ethic, X’rs= the original impatient professional, GenY= why do we have to do that, and GenZ (the iGeneration who only know information gathered at the speed of light).  Lots of talk about GenY and GenZ regarding their perceived disenchantment, work ethic and incessant questioning.  Where does that come from?

Over the last year, I’ve had a surprising number of interactions with parents.  Yes.  I said “parents”, as in… the parents of the candidates who I am interviewing and hiring for the business I support.  I thought calls from Mom or Dad asking why their child did or didn’t get a job were an isolated incident or two, so I reached out to friends in the business and have confirmed with a number of colleagues that this behavior is occurring more frequently.  My coaching business, Paperclip Thinking (www.paperclipthinking.com), has a foundational component that I call, “looking in the mirror”, and it is our way of supporting the ability to look inward and own our behaviors, so we can work toward a change in life that we’ve intended to achieve.  When I received my first call from a parent, I judged.  Then I laughed at the absurdity of a call like that and then I had a minor panic attack.  Was I supporting my kids to be the CEO of Mom or Dad’s basement?  How will GenY or more personal to me, GenZ, ever add value and prosper if Mom or Dad were still calling and checking in with their children’s potential employers at 23 or 24 years of age?  I would never do that, would I?  Well...

About a year ago - one of my children looked like he was about to “break down” and cry as I came downstairs from a conference call (I work from home) and I asked if everything was OK?  He quickly snapped, “I’m hungry”, which we’ve all heard from our children, so I didn’t think anything of it.  As additional context, my fridge was full and the bread was on the counter, so I did what any engaged and connected parent would do; I jumped in, ran to the fridge, and busted out a sweet ham and colby jack sandwich to satiate his hunger.  He was fed, he seemed happy and I felt like I was doing a adding value.  

Now we “flash back” to my “looking in the mirror” after receiving a call from a parent and then judging the parent who was calling me for interview feedback about their child.

I wondered if my child, who was sitting hungry and somewhat helpless, waiting for someone to “feed him” (btw- he was 12 at the time), was any different than a young man or woman sitting at home, wanting a job and waiting for their parent to call the recruiter for feedback?  Where would this behavior come from?  Was I playing a part in creating the very behavior I was judging?  Could this be the start of a behavior trail that leads to me picking up the phone and calling one of his prospective employers in 10 years, while he sits on my couch?  

As parents, we’ve worked so diligently to support our children, so when does that support cross the line and become fostered enablement?  Flash forward a few years… my oldest will be preparing for college, four years later - graduation, and then interviews for his first career.  My wife and I decided to make a change with baby steps toward supporting them by teaching and empowering them to own the behaviors and skills that will support them long term.  We’ve balanced the scale with regard to “doing for them” and “teaching them to do” and it started with simple tasks; scrambling eggs, making a sandwich and cleaning up the disaster zone that typically follows our cooking.  We morphed into laundry (carrying clothes from the basement to returning their clothes to their rooms) and now we are supporting them with holding their own conversations with teachers, friends and other adults, so they are comfortable with the process.  By the way- this exercise has drastically reduced the amount of laundry I have to do, because they were shocked at how many times they had to hump up stairs when they wear something once and dump it in the dirty clothes pile.

I realized that my behaviors, as a parent, were setting up a belief system with my kids that could have led to me being the one calling a recruiter or hiring leader and asking why my son or daughter did or didn’t get hired.  What we’ve learned, so far...is that teaching these tasks was almost as fun as watching the kids learn.  My resentment levels (feeling like we have to do everything) dropped and the time we all gain back from partnering on running our household has been reinvested in “us” time.

Our children will be candidates for career professions in 5, 10, or maybe 15 years and as a coach and recruiter, if I’m frustrated with the behaviors of any of the generations behind me (Millennial, Gen Z, etc.) - it makes sense to look in the mirror and realize that I had a role in shaping some of these behaviors, so as a parent, I can adjust my thoughts and behaviors and support a new way of thinking and behaving, so we don’t end up with a generation of “CEO’s of Mom & Dad’s Basement”.

In September, Paperclip Thinking LLC will be partnering with KD Innovate (another innovative coaching business) on a monthly series where parents and children can come together and be introduced to healthy conversations and exercises, which have added value to our families, so please be on the lookout for more information and leave a comment if you have a perspective you’d like to share.