Fordson High School (Dearborn, Mi.) has Paperclip Thinkers

I have recently joined Rotary in an effort to meet people who have a passion for supporting others  and maintaining a focus on doing their part to make the world more peaceful.  During our meeting, a group of 16-17 year old Juniors from Fordson High School, in Dearborn, Michigan,  presented their findings about a recent adventure they experienced.  This group of high school students have re-ignited a high school club of ‘Junior Rotarians’ through the program, INTERACT.

This club of young men and women decided to raise funds to travel to a remote village in the Dominican Republic and spend a number of days supporting the construction of a new school, delivering basic necessities for personal care and hygiene to the village and they interacted with the local villagers, orphanages and embraced a number of powerful experiences.

As one of the presenters shared his experiences through the trip, he had a tone in his discussion that made me think.  He talked about how he’ll impact the world when he “grows up” and that the work he may do as “an adult” could add value.  It made me think because he had an almost apologetic tone in his voice, as if he wasn’t truly adding value yet, but maybe the value would be more impactful as he became more adult’esque in his 20’s, 30’s, or 40’s.

To this young man (and his friends) - I say you are amazing, right now!  He (and his classmates) are the definition of ‘paperclip thinkers’, as they were inspired to add value and they found a solution to support what others wanted and they did it by collaboration with their friends, families and community.  Tip of the hat to all of you!  They have done more “humanitarian” work at 16 & 17 than I have at 44, so again, to this group at Fordson...please remain on your course (you are inspiring, to me).

Equally inspiring were the lessons I took from hearing their experience:

Happiness is a choice: no technology, no clean water, no paved roads, no air conditioning, no luxuries and what the students from Fordson noticed, the people they encountered were genuinely peaceful, smiling and loving.  They were choosing to love and be happy.  How many ways could we choose to be happy?

Creativity supports happiness:  no Toys’R’Us, no Gamestop, no Pistons/Lions/Red Wings games and certainly, no apps.  The students noticed the children of the village and orphanage they supported finding ways to play outside with rocks, sticks (and each other) and again, they smiled, were peaceful and showed love, to everyone, while creating and innovating games and fun.  How many times, today, could we be more creative?

It makes me smile (inside and out) when I experience the energy that people create.  It is an inspiration, which can be used in our daily lives, with our careers, with our friends & family.  The choices we make shape the energy we generate and these young men and women are shaping some magical energy!  #paperclipthinkers

Apologetic Humility

I have been guilty of using humor and apologies to glaze over fear & insecurity.  If I pick on myself with witty one liners, no one can laugh at me - they’ll be laughing at my one liner.  The apologies have been used when insecurity about an idea or concept surfaces and it goes like this, “so sorry that this may not be a great idea…” or “let me apologize in advance that I’m…”.  I think you get the idea and I believe most of us have done this before, right?

I find it common for our insecurities or fears to provoke all sorts of time wasting thoughts in our head.  I was in a recent discussion about my latest web-redesign with the CEO of a Detroit based digital company, Whim-Detroit, and I received some powerful insight on the topic.

Lori McColl is brave and powerful.  She is building her business from the ground up and the work she has completed in support of Paperclip Thinking LLC (www.paperclipthinking.com) has been amazing.  We were talking about the fear and insecurity that can rear up when you are starting something new and she looked at me and said, “the fear or insecurity we all face when we embark on a new journey, isn’t “glazed” over when you’re self-deprecating or inauthentically apologizing, the fear seems magnified to the people you’re talking to, so I stopped doing that!”

Her quote inspired me to think about the ways I work to prevent that fear and insecurity from getting too loud in my head and triggering that “let’s joke or apologize” button, so for anyone who has experienced this, here are a few ideas that may support you in approaching these situations differently:

de- “label” - innovation and creativity are rooted in idea generation.  I don’t subscribe to “good” ideas or “bad” ideas, they are simply ideas.  Some will add value and some might not and that is a beautiful thing.  I invite you to keep the ideas flowing and when you take the labels away, idea generation becomes less fearful and those amazing ideas are ready to share.

agendas -  I have been guilty of beating around the bush and then losing my idea and confusing the hell out of the person who is talking with me.  I’m working, diligently, to create agenda points for my crucial conversations, so when I’m on the phone I remain on point and this mini-agenda process has afforded me the ability to be more crisp and succinct and that has eliminated the fear and insecurity from my discussions.

Enjoy your week and thanks for reading!.

Coaching Curiosity- what do you do?

I was recently introduced to a potential coachee and she asked, “is being a coach just corporate speak for being a therapist?” and then she posed a follow up question, “and...what certifies you to be a coach?”  Both questions were powerful and both questions continue to inspire introspection.  

No- I am not a therapist.  Therapy is based in the past and I’m focused on supporting people with the present and their intentions for the future.  The person who was questioning me also referenced coaching as a way to “fix” people.  She shared her past experiences with coaches and these coaches were people who had been assigned by HR as a “corrective action” for a perceived faltering performance.  That makes me sad- both for her and for the reputation of the coaching process.  I’m not in the business of “fixing” people, because I don’t believe that anyone is broken and I won’t support coaching as a “fix it” endeavor.  I believe anything we experience in life is tied back to choices we make, plain and simple.  This belief is where my coaching is rooted and it is the cornerstone of how I’m coached, today.  When I support people, I coach them by sharing some of the experiences I’ve had and the results from those experiences (some healthy, some not- I share it all) because sharing can transition into invitations for my coachees to consider the results I gathered and then they can make their choice regarding whether or not applying those invitations may add value to their current situation (s).  Through 8 years of experience as a coachee, I’ve embraced choosing a new way to live, lead and support the people I encounter.  I’ve become comfortable with Paperclip Thinking™ and I have embraced a more divergent way to create value.  My energy levels are high, I’m taking care of my health (have shed 55 pounds), my discussions are more creative, my debt has gone away, income has increased and my wife and children share a deeper relationship with me than we had in the past.  These are the results that I chose to achieve and the coaching process supported me, so now I’m focused on learning what others want from life and I can support them in achieving their wants, too.  That’s what a coach is, from my perspective.  

The second question.  Am I certified?  No- I’m qualified.  Our society LOVES certifications, don’t we?  In the past, I’ve bought into the corporate dogma that states, “because someone is certified they must be qualified” and I’m no longer buying it!  When I selected my coach, it was important for me that the person was living life in a way that was inspiring to me (not whether they paid for a test and a certification) and as I sought coaching for my own reasons; embrace health, let go of fear, choose balance, experience career growth, and remain strong as a parent and husband, these were ultimately my wants and if I would have placed my wants into the hands of a coach who was certified, but not living in inspiration, creativity, innovation and growth, then it didn’t feel worth my time.

Am I certified, no.  Will I ever be, no!  Am I qualified, yes.  Forty-four years on this planet, a wife of 19 years, 3 children, 7 jobs, 2 careers, 8 years of coaching and a laundry list of experiences and the data that comes from them.  Through all of this, I’ve achieved the ability and willingness to choose peace.  So...what’s a coach, you ask?  A coach is someone who is passionate about sharing their experiences and offering the knowledge they’ve gained, so the coachee can benefit from a different perspective and work to achieve what they want from life.  I love to coach and I couldn’t ask for a better way to add value to those I come in contact with, daily.

What is Paperclip Thinking?

What is Paperclip Thinking?

**Warning shot** - high levels of introspection and emotion are discussed in the following paragraphs, so if an intense level of “Dr. Phil’esque” content creates nausea or headaches, I’m recommending that you move on to a more emotionally stable article!  If not, then sit down and enjoy the read.

I have a voice inside of my head that likes to ask, “why?”.  The voice, almost every time I hear an idea or a suggestion, asks me, “why do they do it that way?”, “why are you feeling anxious about that?”, “why would someone suggest that information?”  Yes, some people close to me have been concerned on my behalf and asked me, “why” haven’t you sought professional help for this voice, but TRUST me, there’s no need to fear the voice- embrace it, because when embraced, the question “why?” can evolve into something really powerful.

Sir Kenneth Robinson is a British author, speaker and international advisor on education.  He is a well known academic who has focused his interests on the subject of creativity and MILLIONS of people have heard him speak and reviewed his opinions & research.  Sir Kenneth inspired me to think a bit differently about creativity, education, divergent thinking and all of this inspiration came from a 30 second clip from one of his videos.  I saw the video and a light bulb went off.  My inspiration for divergent thinking was a seed that had been planted years ago, as I was coached to embrace freedom-based versus fear-based thought.  I loved the idea of multiple ways to add value, in life, so my mind raced during Sir Kenneth’s discussion because he was sharing details about a longitudinal study, done years ago, that tracked kindergarten children and their ability to be divergent thinkers.  This information hit home- as it was so applicable, personally, and to the recruiting industry I support.  The study asked these children how many ways they could use a paperclip.  They were asked as kindergartners, then as middle schoolers and finally, as young adults.

The kindergarten children came up with 100’s of ways to use a paperclip - part and parcel to the fact that they hadn’t learned that a paperclip shouldn’t be made of foam rubber and stand 100 feet tall.  But as time marched on… their ability to remain divergent in thought, diminished.  That’s no fun and who wants convergent business partners?  I don’t.  As these kids entered their late teens, it was commonly expected that their lists of ways to use a paperclip would shrink from 100+ to a mere 15-20.  When I heard this section of the video that voice in my head screamed, “why can’t we regain some of that divergent thinking and how do we do it?”  The question is a good one and I, for one, would like to believe that being divergent in thought is a good thing in all aspects of life, so as I mentioned, earlier, I embarked on being a coachee (2009-present) and for years I have been immersed in a process of introspection.  I’ve dedicated my life to working to become a more benevolent leader of people, an innovative partner in business and a balanced father-husband-friend-employee.  In general, I want to be a more peaceful person.  I was a real grumpy, fake and angry person (all hidden on the inside, so for all of you who thought everything was cool- nope).  My life changed, more peacefully, after I began mastering the concepts my coach supported me to embrace.  It is no coincidence that when I hear about people being “squeezed” into convergent thought, it makes me edgy and is why I felt an ever present frustration and refused to buy into “this is the way we do it” as a strategy.  In 2016 I started documenting the process steps followed to free myself from the way things “are supposed to be” and this process became the core to Paperclip Thinking LLC.  For those who embrace this path, the coaching supports different, productive, innovative and peaceful results.

‘Paperclip Thinking’ is comprised of 5 process steps:

1) Look in the Mirror- the process begins with us.  A willingness to accept that our behaviors, no one else's, fuel life.

2) Keep a Clean Front Porch- metaphorically used to describe the power of keeping focused on our behaviors and not being distracted by the behaviors of our neighbors.  If you want a clean neighborhood, starting with a clean front porch is a logical step.  Keep your porch clean and others may choose to follow.

3) The Want Wheel- defining what we “want” for our lives (business, personal, etc.) is a simple concept, with very complex applications.

4) #thinklikea5yearold - let’s have fun and be willing to ask the questions and state the feelings that our kindergarten brothers & sisters would regularly use.

5) Intentional Thought- creating intentions is a powerful process and these intentions bring clarity and action into your life, daily.

I’ve dedicated 8 years of my life to this process and I support others who are interested in a good look in the mirror, keeping a clean front porch, defining their “wants”, thinking like a 5 year old (immaturity has finally paid off) and being focused on creating intentions.  The discussions, exercises and content are used with my client partnerships, individual coachees and have fostered stronger communication, leadership, productivity and unprecedented results.  This is ‘paperclip thinking’, so if you have questions or curiosity, don’t hesitate to reach out.  I’m always up for a chat!

How many ways could you...

I’m a recruiter.

I’ve fallen prey to over complicating my profession and sometimes I even did it on purpose.  As I talked to friends, colleagues, future clients or prospects, it was easy to creatively embellish what I did to add value in the world and my creative phrases and titles made me feel like I was being more cutting edge, cool or even sophisticated than was fact.  I’m confident that I’m not the only person in the history of recruiting to embark on “title creativity”, am I?  Hell, the industry I chose to join and have continued supporting since 1997 has gone through an evolution over the years and this evolution was sparked, in large part, by people who were interested in being perceived as something more complex than their role (s) required.  All of that said, our business is awfully simple and it is clear that this overabundance of titles and career explanations has placed a bit of a cloud around the clarity of what we do, professionally.  Let’s remember that a responsibility comes with our profession and this responsibility is rooted in supporting other people!  

Have you ever heard the phrase, “the cobbler’s kids have no shoes”?  The etymology behind this phrase is very straightforward - it means the cobbler - who makes shoes for a living - chooses not to provide shoes for his own family because he is too busy making shoes for his customers.  With all of the evolution going on in the recruiting industry, could it be possible that some of us had fallen into the trap of being the “cobbler”?  Please know that I’ve worked within a specific segment of the recruiting industry for the bulk of my career and it’s called Recruitment Process Outsourcing; or RPO for short.  As proclaimed experts in the field of recruiting, we design and deliver recruiting support (sourcing for candidates, screening candidates, interviewing candidates, background check support for those receiving offers and our teams produce the actual offer documents for our clients, too).  We do this so our clients can realize more efficiency, attract top talent, generate stronger business outcomes than they would without us and maybe even save some money in the process.  So suffice it to say, we know what it takes to attract, interview, hire and support recruiting, right?  So what happens when one of our “own” joins the ranks of the unemployed?

I’m a candidate.

I’ve recently joined WilsonHCG, a global provider of Recruitment Process Outsourcing and Talent Consulting services headquartered in Tampa and my role was designed to support the growth of our Americas’ region.  I had a positively unique hiring experience because their passion, their delivered promises and their belief that this industry makes a positive impact on the world was very clear.  The interview process wasn’t as positively unique with some of the other organizations I visited during my search.  I’m writing this article as a reminder to all of us in the business (hiring managers, recruiters, sourcers, executives and business developers), that I was a business leader (focused on running an RPO company) in December of 2016, who quickly became a “candidate” in the market partly because I had forgotten about how critical is is to add value to the clients you support, the candidates you attract and the people you lead.  For the first time in 15 years, I was required to proactively seek out employment and I put my “recruiter” skills to work and networked my way into great discussions about the next stop on my career and I assumed that I would see some amazing things from our industry.  Logical, right?

I’ve already told you that this chapter of my story has a positive ending, but the middle of this chapter- it kind of sucked.  Between December 23rd and March 3rd, I interviewed with some of the most widely respected recruiting companies (in the world) and my experiences were less than pleasant.  No one did anything mean, rude or intentional...it just felt like they weren’t very good at creating the “candidate experience” that so many of them talk about during their pitches and proclaim on their websites.  Promises of call backs, engagement and collaboration were made and then squandered.  The discussions about “setting a meeting” were scheduled and then pushed and pushed and pushed again.  My applications, delivered through the most cutting edge applicant tracking technologies, were laborious and made you feel, every day, like the experiences gathered during a 20 year career were worthless and this didn’t anger me.  It made me sad!  I was (and still am) an executive in this industry, and what I’ve learned through this process and what I’ve recognized during my search was something of karmic law.  I’d lost sight of what I was, so when I became a candidate, I was afforded another perspective, the perspective of the candidate and although we all have board meetings, big presentations, giant requisition lists, tough to fill roles, challenging hiring managers and a variety of other deterrents in our days, we are all responsible for our own actions and those actions (and some days in-actions) caused a ton of anxiety, for me, during this process.

I chose a profession that carries with it a responsibility to be responsive, proactive, engaging, compassionate and caring and I wasn’t being consistent in those actions as a leader, which led to my change of employment and these are the very actions I found from the team at WilsonHCG and I’m thankful for their support and interest in having me support them by adding value into the business .  

I’m a recruiter and a paperclip thinker.

In the near future, you’ll hear more about what it means to be a paperclip thinker.  The philosophy was something I created over eight years and it is all focuses on how we can choose to think, divergently versus convergently.  I’m looking to explore divergent thinking (the “how many” behind the phrase- how many ways could you…), so let’s try it.  How many ways could you come up with a process for staying in contact with a candidate?  How many ways could you update your hiring managers?  How many ways could we work to form a new RPO partnership?  How many ways could we add value, today, as a recruiter?  Those answers are up to us and are part of being a paperclip thinker.  The power of this methodology; I believe thinking divergently can make an impact on people...every single day.  I hope we get the opportunity to chat, so when you ask me what I do for a living, I can respond, simply with...I’m a recruiter and paperclip thinker.

It's as easy as...

It’s been 15 months as the president of Clinical Magnet and I’ve learned so much about business, about healthcare in the U.S. and about what it takes to put on 50 pounds in 18 months (yes-not an exaggeration- FIVE ZERO). I’ve learned how to be a better leader of people and I’ve learned how fragile balance can be. And, ironically, how easy it can be to achieve. I recently mentioned the ease in which one can choose balance, so I’d like to argue with myself and counter with the question, “Why do so many of us choose the opposite of balance”? Please start a list comprised of the people you know (include yourself, if applicable) who struggle with getting everything done, showing up on time, appreciating the life around them and attempting to look totally calm (while they are a train wreck on the inside).  The numbers will blow you away. That list is HUGE, isn’t it? So here we are. A group of people, living beautiful lives with miserable feelings and all the while, I sit here and tell you that balance is a pretty simple choice?!?

My personal story isn’t widely different than others; I worked too much, I didn’t hang with my family, I ate too much, I gained weight, I lost weight, repeat. Some of you have read my story in previous posts, so as a quick refresher…I’ve enjoyed being a seeker of balance and I hid that passion (for years) while pretending to be someone and something I’m not (the “for years part” equates to the bulk of my college years, 20’s and 30’s and I appeared more comfortable tipping the scales toward “unbalanced” and then blamed work or other aspects of life, so as a mechanism of defense, I became really good at numbing my personal and professional challenges with food and booze and then empowered those decisions to wreak havoc on my overall health. I’m not going to be a victim and blame my travel or my industry or my job or my kids or my family. That wouldn’t be fair and it makes more sense, to me, to get introspective and embrace that my own insecurities, my own self-doubt and the space between my ears led to the discomfort that starts the vicious cycle of eating or drinking away the frustration.

So here we are…12 months after my last post and I’ve rebuilt my blog (the story behind the change is on my “why I blog” section) and my interests and passions are around spreading the story of how I chose balance during a year that clearly called for buckets of scotch, chicken wings and food induced naps. The results from this year away from writing…I have achieved peace and balance. I have never been more peaceful or balanced with my marriage, my children, my career, my health, my friendships, my golf game, my bank account and that list can go on as long as it would like. It’s time to share stories, time to reflect on the collection of amazing experiences and time to help others who may struggle with the same story and who may have an interest in breaking the cycle and making the simple and powerful decision to be free and balanced.

I leave you with a bit of my very own poetry…

“They filled over time- these buckets of burden. Always with me and still…I refuse to give in! Will he? Won’t he? Onward we march, keep moving! What’s that in the distance? It feels peaceful- how do I get there? My friend…set down those buckets and peace will be yours.”

CEO of Mom & Dad's Basement

In the summer of 2008 I was introduced to a woman who has helped support dramatic change with my thinking and behavior.  At the time of our introduction, I was the Managing Director for a Detroit based Talent Acquisition Company (fancy way of saying a recruiting company) and I was invited to take part in a session for our company’s future leaders. As we gathered for the meeting, I noticed a kind souled and eccentric person walking into our conference room. She appeared way too calm, peaceful is a better way to describe her demeanor, and she had a soft spoken tone, which forced each of us (about 20 employees) to sit forward in our chairs and really focus in on what she was discussing.

This woman talked to our group for the best part of two hours and we talked, heavily, about moving our thoughts from “Fear” to “Freedom”. She talked about the power of the ego, she talked about the lack of truth, transparency, trust and honest dialogue within Corporate America and although I was a bit skeptical at first, I was enthralled by the way she engaged our group. At the end of her session, my teammates looked at each other differently. We soon learned that 6 of us were selected to take part in 1:1 coaching with this woman and that’s where this story begins.

The woman I refer to is Kimberly Knapp. She’ll laugh and tell you to call her Kim, but I think Kimberly makes her sound way more distinguished. Kim has become a friend, she is a mentor and she has been my coach for 7 years. Kim has helped me shed my looming self-doubt, she has helped me embrace a deeper and more spiritual way of thinking through my life experiences and she has supported me on one of the most intense journeys I’ve ever taken.

Before I jump too far into our story, let me share a bit of my background.  I’m a 42 year-old father (of 3), husband (of 1- any more than 1 would thoroughly piss off my wife), son (of two very special parents), brother, brother-in-law, employee and the list goes on. Each of us has a number of roles we play in life and as life’s journey moves forward, the roles we play have a different level of intensity, don't they?  When we are in our “youth”, we rely on the role our parents play in our journey. As we move on past high school, it’s the role of friend that seems to take the front seat. At some point, God willing, we find another to love and the role of husband or wife takes the “first chair” in our worlds and then it happens…we become parents.

It’s this role (parenting) that sparked my interest in writing this article. I’ve lived in metro Detroit for the bulk of my life and as my wife and I began parenting we changed. We found ourselves, as some parents do, totally consumed in the byproduct of our relationship (our kids). We made these little buggers with the love and passion we held for each other and once they joined the world, we shifted our attention from each other, directly to them (sometimes this has been a challenge, but I’ll get to that later). As so many parents do, we worked to ensure our three children experienced love and that they knew we were also going to be life educators on their journey. As my parenting responsibilities increased, as did my career.

Kim and I started our coaching relationship from a “career” perspective, but she quickly helped me see that the coaching I was receiving was applicable to all aspects of life and, in fact, it was the philosophy that was so applicable and as I was starting to embrace it (Freedom Based thought vs. Fear Based thought), I was able to cross coach my kids, with lessons learned for the board room.

Flash forward to 2015 and I am the Vice President of the Recruitment Process Outsourcing (RPO) division of a $220m recruiting firm and I intend to be the division’s President by 2016. My career has become rooted in adding value to people’s lives (my employees, my clients, my family, etc.) and having fun while doing it. In our industry, we create corporate recruiting teams for our clients, so needless to say, my teams and I have been part of client organizations for the last 20 years who have helped put more than 200,000 people to work. I’ve interviewed, screened, strategized, hired, fired, promoted, coached and developed thousands of people, so when I told Kim that I was getting concerned about a trend I’m seeing in our country, she looked at me with a concern that I’ve never seen on her face before.

That concern is tied to an apathy I’ve detected from young professionals (ages 18-22). I’m seeing less power in the handshake, fewer and fewer thank you notes and the ones we receive are generally loaded with “text type”. I’m watching a level of entitlement relative to the compensation tied to “entry level” employment and have been recently told, by two young professionals, that they’d rather NOT work than have to start at the bottom of the ladder. As I articulate these concerns to Kim, she shared that she, too, is watching something similar.

Kim’s traditionally peaceful demeanor became very stoic and she asked me a set of questions that I won’t forget. “Would you be able to hire your kids, in 10 years’ time, Trav?” “My kids? I pushed back abruptly, “This isn’t about my kids, Kim, this is about the kids I’m seeing enter the workforce”. “Well”, she said, “They’ll be in this workforce soon enough and what are you doing to ensure that they will add the value that you constantly tout as one of your success factors?”

These questions have been bothering me for a few months and it was the question Kim asked that sparked me to transition my thoughts and actions to my own behaviors and to the support of my children's behaviors.  I’d like to challenge each of you to reflect on those questions, too. Will your kids be employable? Are you focused on raising children who can shake hands (with confidence), who can write a letter or email with clarity, precision and intelligence? Are you raising your children to experience life and to take risks? Are you raising innovators? Are you raising problem solvers?

I ask you these questions because these are the questions that I’ll ask your children when they try to enter the workforce. I’ll ask them how they solve problems, I’ll expect a solid email thank you (with proper grammar and not those god damn emoticons and text type) and I’ll expect them to have answered my questions about the power of innovation, how they innovate, how they solve problems in a group setting and most importantly, they need to answer these questions to my face and not through a text message.

I ask you these questions because it seems, to me, that we are going to have a collision with the magnitude of two trains, loaded with steel, flying toward each other at 120 MPH and the end result isn’t going to be good. I have been guilty of raising my kids to be polite (which is important) and to be well behaved (another positive attribute), but I've also realized that I condoned too much technology, too little discussion at the dinner table (if at all, because of all the damn practices we run to) and you’ll get my point, I'm not focusing on the very things that can aid to a person's success in the workplace. At what point do we shift our parenting to also include the celebration of mistakes (and embrace them as learnings), to play at the park on their own (so they learn to self-govern) and what was I doing to help them learn the power of succinct communication (person to person, not via text or email). Honestly, I don't feel like I am doing enough.

I’ve asked these questions to provoke thought and challenge and I’ll be focused on these topics for the ensuing weeks, so we can have open dialogue and discussion, and so each of us can prevent raising the future CEO of Mom & Dad’s Basement.

Is perfection real?

Have you ever used or heard someone use a phrase similar to... "I've gotta keep working on this, I guess I'm a perfectionist!"? I’ve witnessed perfectionists at work, I’ve lived with perfectionists and I’ve even claimed to be one (at one time in my life). As my life journey continues to advance, though, I’ve recognized an inherent danger with being a “perfection” chaser, so I steer away from using the word at all cost.

Chasing perfection, to me, is a dangerous path, because it sets an expectation that isn’t achievable. What have I seen the chase for perfection lead to:

1. Delays- the perfectionist will work, rework and rework some more (all in the spirit of having the perfect product or project, but 9 out of 10 times, the “work” never gets completed).

2. Risk Aversion- I’ve witnessed “perfectionists” miss out on job opportunities because while they were writing the perfect resume, someone stepped passed them in line, applied, was willing to make a mistake or two and EARNED the job.

3. Missed experiences (business or otherwise) - I’ve watched businesses use the excuse of perfectionism, all the while they seem to be hiding from a fear of the unknown and their businesses stagnate for fear that their new expansion, product or service might not be “perfect”.

Be willing to be “un-perfect”, in every aspect of life. Be willing to take a risk, say “I don’t know” and keep moving forward on life's path. In the long run, you’ll end up more productive, gather more experiences and I feel that you’ll be more innovative. Don’t wait for perfection. In my opinion, it isn’t worth the wait!

Here we go, again...

Here we go,again…My son was sitting across from me at dinner the other night and I was fresh off watching one of my latest Netflix shows, Everest, which is a reality TV show about the wide and varying skills of the crews and people who risk their lives to achieve the summit of the world’s tallest peak (some 27,000+ feet above sea level). As I started to talk about Everest, at dinner, my 10-year old says, “here we go again”, with a Cheshire cat grin on his face and the whole table erupted. Two immediate observations from his comment; 1) I tell great stories at dinner & 2) My dreams are not always simple; they are riddled with challenge, test and stretch, so it’s not uncommon for me to think up crazy and whacky things to dream about, but when it comes to seeing all of them through…I lack follow through, fair point. As I mentioned, my son’s comment broke the entire table into laughter, and because we were surrounded by my family at the dinner table, all of whom know me well, our laughter was even deeper (hell- they’ve all heard my ideas; food trucks, living off the grid, mountain climbing, writing, CEO roles, etc.). I dream, incessantly. If I see a cowboy movie- I’m movin’ out west, watch the Godfather- I’m starting my own organized crime family, you get the point. Here we go, again… Why do I dream? Part of the reason is that I believe I’m going to live a shorter life than most people. Not sure why, but I’ve always believed this to be the case and candidly, regardless of another 5 years, 20 years or 50 years on this planet, I’d like to experience more. Our time, regardless of how long, is all relatively short (when you use eternity as the benchmark), so I don’t let my time on this earth concern me, but that finite about of time does inspire and motivate me to sample life. As I reflect back on my dinner conversation with my family and I ponder my ratio of dreaming to doing, another observation cascades through my mind; DO THINGS & EXPERIENCE THINGS, end of story. From the mouths of our children come the most pure and truthful observations and my children have observed an enormous amount of dreaming from their father, but have they lived the bulk of their lives with a man who has become a bit routine? It happens to most of us at some point, right? What we used to do on the weekends, simply become great camp fire stories about “back in the day”, so as you move through life, don’t forget to keep that ratio of “dreaming to doing” in a fair balance. Here we go, again… It is very easy to be consumed by the daily routine of living, working, parenting and the list goes on…but I’m thankful that my son, inadvertently, challenged my ratio of dreaming to doing. New jobs, new restaurants, new involvement in the community, a hike through the neighborhood, a holiday overseas, a new book a month, a new dinner routine… so many things we can all do that might vary us from that daily routine. What I’ve learned, as of late, is that we aren’t all going to climb Mt. Everest, but we sure as hell better keep talking about it and pushing ourselves, because we have so many opportunities to explore life, this planet and everything that surrounds us… so my cry- please don’t get trapped in the routine. Keep experiencing and I challenge you to explore something new, this week. Yes, my son, “here we go, again” – after all, we’ve got some mountain climbing to do, don’t we?

94.7

Each day, week and month, I look for something new to experience. I’ve explored careers, friends, sports, travel, waist sizes, fashion, foods and friends. I’ve also read, followed and studied a number of philosophers over the last 5 years and I’m always intrigued by their ability to contemplate life and all of its components (work, friends, family, strangers, stress, joy, peace, etc.). Rand, Coehlo, Tolle, Socrates, Parthasarathy and Einstein are examples of people who I’ve read or studied who have used thought and change as a “freeing” principle in their lives. Of those listed, Socrates has become someone I pay close attention to and although he didn’t write often (most of his work has been “handed down”), everything you read about him points in the same direction. His quotes and belief systems have been interpreted to focus on the repeated act of inspiring people to “think” independently, which is why I continue to quote him on my posts.

I came across another quote of his, which connects me to my next life experience. “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Have you ever focused all of your energy on something? I, for one, have not. The concept seems a bit challenging, but I love the power of the idea. I wonder how many of us have sat around a camp fire, sat on a deck, sat on a boat or maybe while on a walk and thought about making a “change” in some aspect of our lives. It could be as simple as… it’s time to rearrange furniture in the living room or it could be as scary and complex as…it’s time to stop drinking, either way- change is something that sparks thought, so I love it.

Most of us have experienced that desire for change, but why does change become a challenge to bring to life? I know lots of people, myself included, who have let those little bits of fear linger in their heads and when time for change is contemplated, they just trudge on and continue doing the same old things and the opportunity to change passes by. Amazingly powerful, isn’t it? Just a wee bit of fear can make that change feel too dramatic to conquer, but yet we seek change all the time, don’t we? Speaking of change…I’ve had an interesting 5 years. I love the people I work with, I’m spending time with my family, I have everything I need and more and I feel more at peace with almost every aspect of my life, which is fantastic. Please note the key word in that last sentence… “almost”, as it is time for me to change one more thing in life.

For the last two months I’ve been focused on another set of changes, and over the weeks and months that follow I’ll be testing that theory of fear and its ability to derail change. Maybe you’ll notice it, maybe you won’t, but I can promise you that it will be another experience that I hope will arm me with great stories that can be shared with my kids and family (and for that matter, anyone else who has an interest in listening).

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new” – Socrates

You should wash your...

I just washed my 2003 Ford Focus, which has affectionately been named “meep meep” in our family, due to the powerfully majestic, trumpet-like sound the horn makes when honked. I couldn’t help but smile after washing the car because it is so damn satisfying to have a clean vehicle. I’m a car wash junkie. End of story. Not the run of the mill, little self serve shit washes, I’m talking about the overpriced, eleven different waxes, and a crew of 20 that make you feel like you’ve just entered the pit at Talladega car washes. This afternoon, a team of 9 worked on my car and after this team of automotive cleansing technicians finished up on my “ride”, I began to think about how truly wonderful it is to not have to worry about snow, slush or ice for the next 8 months (now that I’ve typed this, it will probably snow 1 more time in Detroit), but you get the drift.

There is something therapeutic about taking a dirty car and getting her cleaned, dirty laundry and getting it washed, folded and replaced from where the clothes came or to take that dirty pile of dry cleaning into the cleaners, knowing full well that they will be returned to you in a matter of days, hanging in the crisp and clean fashion I have grown to love.

You see- I love the energy that little accomplishments generate. Ever so small and subtle, they motivate me. Chaos to order, dirty to clean, wrinkled to crease…all of these examples work back to the power of accomplishment. Too often, I find myself looking so far down life’s path; I tend to forget about the power of the little action, which leads to the little accomplishment. String enough of those little accomplishments together and you have most likely completed a solid project (and then the energy and mojo really pick up steam). Once you pull a couple of projects to completion, you’ve begun the process of epic change...and that’s powerful.

It is hard to bring big change to fruition, so my advice on this fine afternoon…start with little accomplishments (at work or in your personal life) and before you know it, your world will change in the way you may have intended.

Could you do it?

I went for my morning run (well, actually, I bitched and moaned about getting into and out of a cold car while traveling to my health club, so I could spend 45 minutes with my favorite treadmill), but you get it…I ran. I got home about an hour later; I cleaned up, grabbed my 9 year old and we “hit the town”. A bit dramatic for a Sunday morning, but I’d promised him some Dad time, so we grabbed an early lunch and then went to watch Mr. Peabody and Sherman.

We got to the theatre a bit early, as I incorrectly read my Fandango app, so with about an hour to kill before the show, I did what any father would do when he isn’t in the presence of his better half…I promised to go BUY stuff for my son (and for me). We talked about a couple of ideas (most of which revolved around pet stores), but we finally landed on a place that suited both of us; the book store. I read pretty regularly and my kids do too, so both of us smiled on the agreed upon location and we made a quick stop to buy some solid reading material. After a couple philosophy books, a sticker book for my little girl, the divergent trilogy and some book about dragons, swords and fantasy world domination (my sons are obsessed with medieval times), my American Express had enough and we bounced back to the movies.

A good flick and a few hours later, I’m pondering my intense joy from acquiring things. Buying shit makes me feel good, end of story. It’s kind of funny, but yes, I like to buy (not shop, shopping is the worthless exercise of pondering over items), I’m talking about walk in, staying focused and grabbing things to be purchased. I like buying. Technology, pictures, books, phones, lap tops, puzzles, clothes (running, work, casual, bar, etc), televisions, golf clubs, bocce sets (who doesn’t want to play bocce), lawn jarts (don’t pretend you don’t like playing lawn games), bikes, skateboards…the list goes on and on.

From my intense interest in material acquisition, you’d think my family might be on the next episode of “hoarders”, but I promise you, it’s not that bad. We have a clean house, a garage that holds two cars and an attic that still has plenty of room to walk around. I just enjoy spending what I have. At a certain point, one begins to question how much is enough. If you are beginning to wonder how the hell I transitioned this article from a pleasant day at the movies to a quest for understanding the power of materialism, please hold on, I’m getting to the point.

Last night my family went to mass, followed by a religious education session for my kids. We watched a re-enactment of the “Beatitudes”, which was a historic speech delivered by Jesus Christ, where he educates the masses on his secret of life and the happiness and joy this secret would create. Some of you may recognize the core messages…blessed are the meek, blessed are the peace keepers, blessed are the humble, etc.

In short, my religion and my God work to keep me pointed in a direction of humility and living for love and life, not the “need” for stuff (so I’ve been contemplating a shift in my “buy stuff” mentality) and I wanted to run the idea by you.

Layer over yesterday’s mass, a great morning with my son and then a movie about a time traveling dog (the characters visit cool places in history and see times where “stuff” did not rule the world…see, I can even philosophize about cartoon movies) and a few hours of wonder later…BAM, you have the makings of an article.

My son, Brecken, made a comment on the way home from our morning together, “Dad, what a great day”. He followed with, “I love just being around”, don’t you?

These were wise words from an over scheduled 9-year old boy. For the first time in 30 weeks, we haven’t had anywhere to go (we had no practices, no games and no school events), so the places we chose this morning didn’t require our phones, or the most luxurious wardrobe or the most up to date technology. Simply stated, we had time with each other. All of this made me think about “my stuff”. I guess I’m wondering what it would be like if I pared down, if society pared down and what impact it would have on our lives? Could we live without all of those “things” that help create the illusion of security or that feel good sensation? If we did pare down from the stuff and shifted our attention to each other, would we be able to reconnect at a deeper level? Would we become more focused friends, employees, parents, loved ones? We probably would.

I’m not sure how this will all impact me in the weeks or months that follow, but I’m comfortable with exploring, so here’s the challenge. After I post this, I’m going to work with my wife and children to begin reducing. Get ready Goodwill…it’s game time! We are going to pare down a bit, I’ll refrain from some of those impulse purchases and we’ll get to see what we can do with each other, instead of with our things. Yes, Brecken, I guess it does feel pretty good to just “be around”.

Work "hard" and smile often...

I just left a meeting with my coach, Kim Knapp, and had another really insightful discussion, which caused me to think about something I say (often) and now I’m considering reworking it a bit. To share context, I’ve just gone through a 363 process and received the results today. For those who aren’t aware, the 360 degree feedback program is widely used in corporate America to help leaders assess where gaps might occur in their personal & leadership styles. The definition, 360, is tied to the “full circle” feedback you receive from a variety of inputs; your responses to the survey, your peer’s responses, your direct reports’ responses and a hand selected group of “other” participants. All in, I had 9 people fill out a survey covering 8 leadership disciplines and I’d be lying if I didn’t mention that I was quite nervous about the whole thing. After all, I’m prone to over thinking and I also carry a heaping helping of “wanting approval” in my life, so getting vulnerable enough to ask peers, employees and other members of the leadership team I sit on, to weigh into my world and offer their perspectives was freaking scary.

The results came back and although I have a number of “development” areas, it appears that the picture I hold of my self is pretty consistent with the picture my team holds of me. Overall, the development areas are very realistic and most important to me, my self rating, in most cases, was lower (on a scale) than those of my peers, employees and leadership counterparts, so I felt good about the process. My coach, the DISC-363 interpreter and I reviewed line by line and began to make a “plan” on how to continue focusing on the requests I received from the feedback. This was a very interesting exercise and one I’m working to implement with my current team because this version of the 360 (why it’s called 363) is tied to the extra 3 degrees. Psychologists, who statistically validated this tool, work with subject matter experts on 3 “development areas” attributed to all of your feedback, so in theory, it gives you a road map on the behaviors one might adjust to continue developing into a strong leader of people, process and general business.

My coach shared her excitement about the “coaching plan” and asked me what I thought. My response to her was; “I have to keep working hard and smiling, right?” Those two things have served me well over the last 17 years of my career, but when I said it, she got that “coachy” look on her face and asked why I felt like I had to work “hard”? I tried to justify the remarks and she went on to share her opinions about work. Shouldn’t it be effortless? Shouldn’t work and our personal lives be more effortless? After all, so many of us claim to want peace, serenity and calming energy in our lives, but yet, we tend to claim the need for hard work too. I, for one, want all that peace stuff, but I also claim that “working hard and keeping a good attitude” are the key drivers of success (bit of a contradiction).

We spoke for a few more moments and I fully understood her point. The idea of “working hard” needs to adjust. I won’t insinuate that productivity, family involvement, development of children, business results, business profits and the like aren’t still a focus in the world, but I am going to begin “allowing” things to happen in the world and to focus on working with “purpose”, not having to work “hard”. As she was walking me through the concept of “effortless”, I instantly thought of golf. How many times do we get on the tee, swing as hard as humanly possible and watch, with horror, as our golf ball travels 50 yards down the fairway and then hangs a hard right (uncontrollably) and lands in the woods. When we tee up, again, breathe a bit, slow things down; allow our swing to happen and become what some may define as “effortless”, that ball rips through the middle of the fairway…some 250 yards ahead of our woods bound first shot.

To my kids, my wife and my friends and work colleagues, please be patient with my attempts at being a “Zen Master” with work and home. I know it can be tough living and working with a Dalai Llama in training, but I’m going to focus on coaching you (and those around me) that my idea of “working hard” and “always smiling” needs to adjust a bit.

Let’s work with purpose, live with purpose, smile as often as we can and become a bit more “effortless”. I think it will bode well in all aspects of world.

Have, Had & Get

“How was your weekend?” This is a question that most of us receive 10-12 times on a Monday, isn’t it? As we get back into the weeks’ chaos of meetings, conference calls, travel calendars, kids to school, practices - someone always wants to know… “How was your weekend?” My typical response, for the sake of being funny and keeping my sanity, sounds a bit like this; “We had to go to Ohio for my daughter’s figure skating competition, then I had to shoot over and get my son’s hockey skates sharpened, we had to make sure my oldest had his basketball shoes and ball purchased for the season and I had to make lunches, sign off on homework, pack back packs and get the kids to bed early, so we could sleep, because I have to work out at 530am. Holy Christ, it really sounds like my life is some kind of depressing punishment, doesn’t it?

I use the words have and had at an alarmingly high frequency. Do you? What would happen if I replaced “HAVE” or “HAD” with “GET”?

We take part in so many busy tasks, which, if being honest, we push on ourselves (and we also push on our children). I know I’m not alone in feeling like I really have to get everyone to practice, have a workout, have to eat a vegetable, have to study with the kids, have to go on vacations, have to buy some nice clothes, have to fix some damage to the house, have to get to practices, have to hit on my wife (love you Deena), have to visit friends, have to sign up for a race, have to read a novel, have to write a novel… (Please insert a mental picture of a person screaming and holding their head at this time).

All joking aside - imagine, for just a moment, that all of those things we feel we have to accomplish, we slowed down a bit and started to switch our thinking to include the word get (instead of have or had). My wife and I get to work jobs that afford regular time with our family. We get to vacation with friends and family, get to go to sporting events with our kids, get the opportunity to read with them, get to visit friends (because we still have them), get to be together and the list goes on.

I’ve recently started applying this logic and have been paying even closer attention to what I have to do and what I get to do. This simple exercise has really opened my eyes to all of the blessings we get to experience in our lives and I respect that we’ll never know when some of these blessings might be taken away, so why waste a moment feeling forced into living. The words HAVE & HAD should be flipped off like light switches and we can begin living a more peaceful existence with who we are, what we do and who we do it with when we insert the word “get” into our laundry list of experiences.

We all GET to live life (it’s not a punishment), so let’s GET busy living and appreciating it while it happens.

Who's there?

Which one is it this time? Are you in there? Who is this? The questions above pop into my head when you talk about personality. Truth be told, I’m not sure I can consistently answer those questions if you were to ask me “what is your personality like, Travis?” Although I feel way more comfortable answering questions about personality at 41 than I would have at 21, I’m still struggling, like lots of us, to articulate who I’m becoming.

Personality is an interesting component of how we are perceived and perception (mine of others and others of me) has always created wonder for me. We hear these phrases all the time, don’t we? “What a great personality”, “their personality is hilarious”, “you, my friend, need a personality adjustment”. Personality is that thing that enables labels to be placed, perceptions to be built and behaviors to be justified. Personality, as most of us know, can change over time, so how do we react (internally) as our personality morphs and evolves? I’ve been away from my writing for more than 6 months, part and parcel to my own search for personality clarity, but I stopped writing because I haven’t been overly motivated. I can blame that on work, personal schedules, marriage, raising kids, but if I’m being transparent, I haven’t been writing because I’ve been busy battling a bit with the concept of growing into an evolving personality and how, as it changes, I’m able to react to the impact it might have on those around me.

For the last two months, I’ve paid close attention to how I behave as a person. It’s not always pretty, but I can tell you that I’ve noticed a number of “personalities” and the more I notice inconsistency with behavior, the more I wonder “why”.

It would be nice to meet that person who is consistent in all facets of their life, but knowing that Buddha, Jesus or the Dalai Llama aren’t hanging with me at the local bar on Friday nights for personal coaching and counseling, I have to look for other, more “regular” people to learn from. As I’ve admitted, I notice that I act differently around my immediate family than I do my co-workers, than I do around my extended family, than I do my close friends, than I do with my distant friends, than I do with the stranger on the street (I think you get it). I used to feel bad for the people I lived, worked or hung out with (poor saps, they don’t really know what makes me tick), but as I continue on my path, I’ve realized that the only person who feels pain from regular adjustment to personality is…. “Me”. Yes, some could challenge that at 41 I’m becoming “Sybil’esque”, but I’d push back and ask how often you are consistent with those around you?

Don’t get me wrong, we all have social filters, so yes, it is normal to behave differently around a variety of people, but how intense is the difference? My search has led me to believe that the more dramatic your personality adjusts and the more often you feel it has to adjust, the more painful it will be for you over time. Are you always smiling around co-workers, but biting your family member’s heads off when you are at home? Will you be a perfect gentlemen to a stranger on the street, but let your wife open her own door to the car or the house? Do you like to be in the center of all action with your own family, but hide quietly if you need to be at a party or big function? All of these variations on your personality create a bit of camouflage don’t they? Personality camouflage.

This personality camouflage is taxing and in time, takes a toll. There is a fine line between socially adjusting behavior because you are meeting new friends, or co-workers or neighbors and morphing into a bit of an actor with a variety of different groups. Don’t fall into the trap of adjusting who you are for the purposes of fitting others’ perceptions. As basic the concept and as often as people say “be yourself”, start looking around and I bet you’ll notice that most people are living a bit of this personality camouflage too.

As I continue to grow, I believe beauty exists in change, growth and evolution. The catch is, don’t stunt your personal evolution for fear that it might make someone or some groups to lose interest in the role you play in their lives.

All of us have a personality and all of us will change, in different ways, over time. Don’t let your personality camouflage become too intense and be supportive of those around you who are looking to grow and change too.

Everyone will be better off for it.

Sweat, smiles & being uncomfortably peaceful...

I’ve read Jim Collins' book, “Good to Great” a number of times and for those who haven’t, his read has been used in hundreds and thousands of businesses as the genesis for internal corporate change and is focused around subtle efforts needed to move one’s performance from “good” to “great”. In short, the author talks about how being “good” can deter people from being “great”. Interesting concept and it has made me think about my personal definition of great and a couple of people who have impacted my life based on their “greatness”.

Let me use Jim Collins’ concept and knock it around a bit. Let’s pretend, for a minute, that businesses weren’t the only thing on the planet that require people to go from good to great (crazy thought, I know). If we remember that people are the capital that makes up ALL companies, wouldn’t it be an interesting premise to analyze how individuals, who tap into subtle greatness, impact life and the people they encounter on a daily basis? And…is there a glue (of sorts) that people who have achieved this ability all share in common? When we talk about the people who impact the world and the people in it, we probably think very grand; Mother Teresa, Ghandi, Swamiji Parthasarathy, Eleanor Josaitis, Pope Francis, etc. Some of us, when asked, will ratchet it down a bit and think of parents, teachers, friends, etc., so I respect that my opinions are a bit less statistically relevant from the research team who penned Good to Great, but nonetheless, I think you’ll be able to change your thinking a bit and recognize that you have your own definition of great and there are people, everyday, who surround you and teach you what it means to be great. Although these people might not be Chief Executive Officers, Senior Business Leaders or Ghandi, I’d be willing to bet that they carry a set of innate traits, which trend with my observations and have led me to my belief that there are very consistent behavior thoughts and patterns, which elevate certain people to be hyper impactful on life’s journey.

My premise is simple, these people, who I consider great, have a balanced combination of sweat, smiles and the willingness to be uncomfortably peaceful.

No one will call me Aristotle for acknowledging sweat as a precursor for impacting people (yes, having a “work hard” mantra is traditionally synonymous with great). You could continue debating my theory by stating how “cutting edge and brilliant” it is to assume that one who smiles (while working hard) can also reap the benefits of positively impacting life (theirs and ours), but less of you probably think about terms like “uncomfortably peaceful” and how that trait may be the glue, when combined with hard work and a smiling attitude, that really enables someone to become a profound impact factor on life’s journey. Being uncomfortably peaceful is something of a blur, isn’t it? Peace, as I define it, is that feeling when all thought exits the mind, that feeling we experience just before we go to sleep. You know it…when your breathing slows, your muscles relax and you have that period of time where everything “feels” right. I have noticed a number of people, lately, who seem to walk the planet, most days, with that kind of…”it’s all good” attitude, so I wanted to recognize them for the positive impact they have on my life and possibly the lives of others too.

As I look back over 4 decades of life progression, 2 decades of career progression and a half a decade in the world of heavy introspection and philosophy, I have a deep respect and acknowledgement for the people I have encountered. Thousands of people along the way and I have an even deeper respect for those, recently, who have attracted my intentional focus. They are great, from my vantage point, at living life. Some of you might know these people, some of you might not, but either way…please pay attention to the fact that both of these people seem to have harnessed the ability to work hard, smile while doing it and embrace being uncomfortably peaceful and by my standards, they have achieved greatness!

My intent in sharing these people’s names is not to embarrass them, but knowing them, it probably will. Most of us know what it means to sweat (work hard and drive toward efforts), to smile (these people seem to have found a balance in the ability to recognize that their work efforts are strong and therefore, regardless of outcomes, they know they have reason to smile). And finally…they are embracing the concept of being uncomfortably peaceful (when long hours or tough projects or juggling chaotic lifestyles or embracing a new change and pace to life’s journey collide). All of those things can be uncomfortable, but these people appear to find peace in it, hence the term, uncomfortably peaceful. In closing, I wanted to recognize them for the positive impact they have on my life and possibly the lives of others too.

Jim T. Strong professional career, hyper involved with the support of our city and his children’s school, he is also someone who is well read, finds time to workout, challenges himself daily, is a strong husband and father and all the while, smiles more than grumbles. He carries that finely required mix of balance. Jim and I have been friends for years, but it was only recently that I grasped how impressive he is, holistically, as a person, so I wanted others to know that if you want to see what great looks like, please connect with him.

Kathy S., my Words with Friends buddy, was introduced into my life, by my wife, Deena. Kathy and Deena taught together and we attend the same church, so it has always been a casual friendship. Kathy and I don’t spend a ton of time together, I haven’t known her as long as I’ve known Jim, but she has still had a huge impact on me. Kathy’s interesting ability to stay so warm, so focused on others and so connecting has been an amazing experience, for me, personally. As a retired teacher, Mother, Wife and friend, Kathy welcomes you in and she has reinforced how to appreciate the life we have. Thanks Kathy.

I could write hundreds of people on this post. People who have had profound impact on my life and I’m blessed to be around so many great people. If you get a chance to read this, do me a favor and reach out to a couple of them and let them know about your definition of “great” and how they have helped teach you to pursue it.

Who do you thank for being everywhere & nowhere @ the same time?

You all know I’m “nomadic” with my ideas, my career, my life choices and my parenting styles.  I used to feel ashamed about the number of roles I had, concerned if people would whisper all the little garbage statements that one assumes are being said (when in truth, no one really cares THAT much about what every person on the planet is doing, so probably a little more insecure than I really should be).  Anyway, I moved companies in late January/early February and have earned, what I consider to be, a “life altering” opportunity.  This role has enabled me to see different regions of the world, meet dozens of new clients, take part in a business that I have loved for years and my new employer likes the fact that I’ve been nomadic, which is a plus.

I spent last week in New York City, the week before that in Cleveland and the two weeks before that in London, so needless to say, I’ve had a bit of time to do what I’m best at…THINK.

As I left NYC and came back to Detroit to see my family (in preparation for a trip to California next week), I began thinking about ways the work world has changed since I started my career in 1995.  We have iPhones, Blackberries, Droids (which give us Google maps, Words with Friends, Facebook, etc) and it also gives us email, conference calls, report reviews and business decisions in multiple time zones and in multiple regions of the world.  As my friends at PwC used to say to me, work is now a thing- not a place!  How true they were.

My new professional world is filled with 5am calls to Manila, 9pm calls with Singapore and we’ll squeak the US and the UK into the middle somewhere.  This is when my psyche whispered in my ear… “Don’t ever forget about how you got here”.  A bit sentimental, my psyche, so as I thought and thought about the importance of that statement, I remembered watching a documentary on the American author, Fran Lebowitz.  Fran is 60+, lives in NYC, doesn’t own a Blackberry or iPhone or Droid and she has made a living doing something I try to do (entice people to read and incite people to debate) with the power of words.

Fran stated that she noticed we are a generation and a society that is now everywhere at the same time.  I think she was referring to how the incessant use of smart phones, conference call lines and other technology is taking us away from basic human to human interaction.  She noticed people walking the streets of NYC, buried in their devices, and not taking in the sounds, smells and activity of one of the greatest cities on the planet.  Yes, we might be enjoying dinner with our family, but are we really enjoying dinner with the family or the funny ecard posted on Facebook?  Are you really giving your best thoughts to your clients and colleagues or are you more focused on clearing out your inbox?  How many times have you entered a local “watering hole” and noticed friends enjoying “happy hour”, but none of them are talking to one another?  See…aren’t we everywhere (restaurants, vacations, meetings, golf courses), but nowhere too (Facebook, Words with Friends, email, etc)?  I’ve done all of the above, so I guess I’m a bit everywhere & nowhere too.

I don’t want to be that way (plain & simple).  When you talk to me, I want to give you my attention and listen.  When I talk with you, I want healthy debate and discussion in return, so please get your nose out of the “cloud” for a few minutes.  Even though I feel like technology has offered us some of the most amazing advances known to man (one amazing, but selfish advancement…wireless hot spots, which enabled me to work from Manistee, Michigan and stare at Lake Michigan while discussing the latest in Recruitment Process Outsourcing strategies with my colleagues this weekend).  My point brings me back to that crazy little voice I tend to hear 4 or 5 times per day (nah- I don’t think I need meds yet, I rather enjoy talking with and to that voice).  Let’s spend some time and focus on the reflection that takes us back to how we got to where we sit.  Who were the people that helped shape us, mould us and form us into the people we are today (and the people we’ll become in the future)?  When one starts to think about this list - it becomes an emotional, humbling, overwhelming, and, for me, very spiritual exercise.  After all…I believe that we are on a journey that isn’t one we map, it has been mapped for us and we’ll keep making choice after choice until we arrive at the destination intended for us. Let me use the rest of my typing time to thank those people who have shaped me.  Some of you might know each other, some of you may be strangers, but ALL of you have played an instrumental role in my life.

The reality is, and as much as Fran Lebowitz might laugh, we’ll keep on using the advancements we receive from the technology world.  My point here is…let’s not forget about how important it is for people to pay attention to the other people who have helped them achieve through life (and for God’s sake, if you happen to be with one of those people- right now- don’t text them, hug them).  In short, GET OFF THE TECHNOLOGY and think for a few minutes about those who have impacted you and then, of course, pick up that technology and text a few people or post a few kind words on Facebook to let those around you know that you are thinking of them.

Thank you:

Mom, Dad, Josh, Seth, Deena, Chuck McShane, Kevin Fisher, Tony, Judy, LJ, Aunt Janet, Deanna Ayers, Sharon, Sharon I, Mark Penrose, Jeff Bugg, Eric Snow, Randy Nickel, Brad Dzon, Pam Berklich, Debbie Robbins, Joe Wiesner, Brad Peters, Molly, Jeff Joner, Keri, Amy Casai, Steve Liverance, Margaret Hunter, The Hollis and Cyndi show, John J May III, Tiffany Leiter, Adam C, Georgie, David, Aaron, Katie, Adriana, Wendy, Deanna, Kimberly, Meg, Lydia, Andrew, Father Ozzie, Braeden, Brecken, Jillian, Rob McShane & Steve Ali, Amy Bush, Jerry Collier, Tanya, Jillyan, Forbsey, Chiacchia, Mike Murphy, Aaron Sikora, Cleb, K. Rubis & Al Lewis, Lori McColl, Balestrieri, Buck, Campbell, Thorpe, Pieknik-Lybik duo, Kathy Schmidt, Eleanor Josaitis, All the “grandpeeps”, Arends clan, Miss Julie, Paulo Coehelo, The kid in Catcher in the Rye, Viktor Frankl, Hannah, Rachel Kristensen & your hubby, Norm, Kim Knapp, Bjorn & his wife, all the dudes who lived in the basement of DX-and all of your wives too.

It would take me a full day to type the individual ways each of you has helped me (and like my wife would do…please don’t focus on the order in which you appear -you are all very important to me).  You inspired me, challenged me, coached me, were patient with me, stuck by me, beat on me, hazed me and the list goes on…regardless, you have helped me and I feel like I owe it back to you and all those I meet in the future, in spades.

And getting back to technology- If you really want to know how you impacted me, shoot me a text or drop me a note on Facebook and we’ll have a “hug it out” moment… TTYL, LOL, #ireallyloveyoutechnology.

What's a life nomad?

I’ve been pretty “nomadic” when it comes to my life experiences, but I haven’t been as truthful to myself or to those around me regarding how much I enjoy being a “life nomad”.  Different experiences, people, places and things energize me!  Although some have criticized the pace and frequency of my life choices (career, family management, healthy life styles, unhealthy life styles...), I have been pretty comfortable with my changes and I do realize that I bounce from idea to idea and new plan to new plan more frequently than some people change clothes, so whether I was going to become a runner, an adventure racer, a Deacon, a writer, an executive or a stay at home Dad (you get the drift)...I have always felt innately comfortable with where I was going, what I was going to do and who I was going to do it for.  Now, I’d be a bold faced liar if I didn’t tell you that there have been  “voices” along the way.  These voices reside comfortably in my head (yes...I’m openly admitting that I hear little voices- not in the “see a doctor” sort of way), but in the traditional form...doubt, fear, insecurity, confidence, comfort, etc.  You know the various self discussions one might have with themselves, “Hey- what are you thinking by moving jobs” or... “Do you really think you are cut out to handle life on the road again”...or my favorite, “do you really want to be a healthy guy or are you just made to eat cheese sticks and drink beer”. These voices can be powerfully derailing or powerfully motivating (depending on which set of voices you listen to).  The more comfortable I’ve become with sharing stories of my life through this blog, the writing has enabled me to continue to learn and grow as a person and my opinions have generated some deep and philosophical discussions with some of the most random people who read these articles (which I love).  The irony about writing about such personal topics and being a life nomad is the realization that so many have similar experiences, concerns, challenges, and fears or have achieved positive growth, empowerment and peace on their journeys, so as I meet and talk to those who have lived through journeys of their own, they keep affirming that powerful truth... I’m not alone in my thinking and I’m not the only person who has battled those fearful tones or internal voices that can derail us from time to time. 

A good friend of mine, who also acts as one of my mentors, recently packed up her life and moved across the country to pursue something she had always thought about, but never really acted on because of these “voices”.  Her voices were rooted in a different place than mine, but nonetheless, they helped her foster a belief that being employed by someone else would give her the professional life she was intended to live.  Ironically, after a bit of a career shake up in 2010, she was able to disengage from the world for a period of time, focus on her, tune out the “negative and fear based” voices and she began to act, sound and “be” different.  This is the point in time where our friendship matured from a comfortable acquaintance to coach/coachee, because I could tell she authentically believed in herself and those behaviors started to quell the negativity she had listened to for years.  I could tell that a more clear and positive set of voices told her she could build a business if she wanted to, she could see new parts of the country if that was her interest, she could be her own leader and boss if that fancied her and fortunately...she has listened to those feelings and is in the process of building a new business, in a new area of the world and she appears to be content, which I love to see.

As my friend accomplished her goals, I’m still on that journey and as part of that journey I made a commitment to myself that I would continue working on my mental, physical and spiritual awareness (and that I would not stop being nomadic), so I could be prepared and stay balanced with regard to some of the challenges faced by a person who is as nomadic as I am.  Now, we all know that we can’t control others’ behavior, even though so many of us try to, so I am working to focus on learning  from these people’s behaviors (not controlling them) and I am also focused on NOT enabling other people’s opinions to be a focal point of my decision making, but instead, using these opinions to help me shape my decision making...who am I kidding though,  I still let other’s opinions play too heavy a role in the decisions I make, but we are working on it, right?  Finally, I sure as hell don’t want to be pulled into a trap, whereby, my natural inquisitive nature, my love for nomadic life experiences and my passion for connecting with people from all walks of life is squashed based around some hint of fear or insecurity.

As you’ll notice...when you read my thoughts and opinions, you might feel the same way about your life or, if you don’t, I’ll be happy to have you hitch your wagon to me and you can watch as I work through this, because we can all agree that I still have a long road ahead as it relates to the acquisition of “peace and serenity”- haha.  My experiences have shown me that the peace and contentment or the powerful aspirations one has for their life, their family, their career, their health, or their peace of mind...won’t be attained without significant effort, because attaining these goals comes from living the experiences life’s journey affords us.  So, as the New Year unfolds...I’m going to continue to be  nomadic with my experiences, I’m not going to live with the “routine” and I’m going to be active, introspective and will work to choose those things that will give me the life experiences that most of us seek.  In short, I hope you’ll do the same.

A belated Happy New Year to all of my readers and I’ll look forward to sharing 2013’s stories and experiences in the weeks and months that follow...

It's fine...

I challenge each of you to pay attention to the number of times you hear the phrase, “it’s fine”, through the course of a day.  And, the next time you hear it, make sure you capture the situation, the story, or the experience that elicited the comment too. I, for one, started to observe people and their use of this comical little phrase about a month ago and here is why I’ve decided to keep a mental tally of each time I hear these words.

The phrase, when interpreted in the literal sense, means everything or every situation is going to be alright, it will be tolerated and the people in the midst of the “situation” will be just fine, hence…”it’s fine”.  Now, when you start paying attention to when this phrase is most often used, you’ll start to have some fun.  I was at work the other day and one of my close work colleagues stopped by to chat for a bit and she began telling me a story.

The story had plenty of detail and as I listened, intently (yes…although I’m really good at talking, I too, can be a listener from time to time), I noticed that she used the phrase “it’s fine” 6 times in 15 minutes, so I stopped her mid sentence, and asked if everything was really fine.

She paused for a minute and retorted with a quick, “what do you mean?” and I smiled at the opportunity to pontificate, so off we go.  I shared my view that if the story she was telling, involved me, I wouldn’t be “fine” with what she was talking about.  My reaction to the situation I was listening to would have elicited more of a “that’s total bullshit” response (that’s just my opinion), but for her…everything was fine.  We laughed as she caught my point and I continued my rant with more questions around why do we think so many people, me included, close sentences of stories that really aren’t fine, with…it’s fine?  We do it because it is expected that the world will throw curveballs, it is expected that challenging situations will surface in life and it is expected that we will be able to stay calm through these situations…hence- it’s fine.

Now…I’m not going to expect that my little observation will prevent me from using the phrase any more, but I am more curious about why we have to use it.  I, too, will respect the challenging situations work might present or the frustrations that accompany navigating through marriages, parenthood, civil service or whatever else you might have rolling in your life, but I am standing firm on this…if something sucks, it is ok to discuss why it sucks (for you) and how you might adjust the “sucking”, so that it becomes a better situation.

Ironically, if we continue to reinforce a behavior with “it’s fine”, we may be subjecting ourselves to continued frustration and the people or circumstances who could be inadvertently inflicting frustration on us wouldn’t ever suspect that we might have an issue with their behavior or request if we always say to them…it’s fine.

My friends…If something doesn’t feel right, share that with the people around you.  You never know when a simple push back or requested behavior change might elicit a great conversation and ultimately correct something that is paining you.

And if that doesn’t work, “it’s fine”.

Kiss my %$# Monday!

Where are my “Monday” people?  Come on.  I know you are out there, so if you are…please feel free to comment on this article (I can use the support). Monday people are an interesting group.  They are, without question, some of the most entertaining people I know and they are also some of the most charismatic, engaging, talented and energized people I know too.  Monday people have a special talent and I know this, because I am a Monday person.

You ask, “What the hell is a Monday person”?  Well…here it goes.  Monday people have a change they want to make, but they carry an Achilles heal.  Monday people might need to lose weight, they might want to get organized, they might want to adjust an attitude or they could have interest in focusing in on their work.  As I said earlier, they are an eclectic group, so their vice could be any number of things.  I know all of this because I have been and still battle with being (insert dramatic music)…a Monday person.

Weight is one of my favorite things to talk about.  Some times I put it on, sometimes I take it off, but regardless of what the scale says, I always love to talk about it.  Let me put you in my shoes for a minute.  Have you ever decided to lose 5, 10 (or in my case) 61 pounds?  If you have been motivated to lose weight for an upcoming party, a reunion, a spring break trip or…because the “fat guy” pants you keep on the far right side of your closest (as a safety net in case you accidentally pack on a few pounds) are getting tight…and they are the pants with the waist that is two inches larger than all of the other pants in your closet, so you never get trapped into hitting the local Men’s warehouse on a random Monday night because you have nothing to wear to work (stretchy pants are apparently inappropriate in my professional services firm) you’ll feel my pain.

How could that ever happen you ask?  Let me tell you.  Monday people are the type who decide (typically on a Thursday or Friday) that MONDAY will be their day of change (a universal alignment of energy…if you will), and Monday will be the day where that energy will converge and help guide us to the perfect behavior, which leads us to the desired result (61 pound weight losses).  In short, on Monday we will begin anew, so…HELL YES I CAN EAT THE LARGE PIZZA, after all, it’s only Friday and knowing this is the LAST time I’ll eat like this until my weight comes off, I “deserve” to eat what ever I want (so pass the chicken wings too).  Thank you Monday, thank you!  That is precisely why Monday people need to keep “fat guy pants” in our closets…just sayin’.

Monday people come in all shapes and sizes (no pun intended).  As I said, my Monday struggle is usually weight based.  I know people who struggle with wanting a “new attitude” on Mondays, people who are going to get “organized” on a Monday and people who decide that they are going to “love their work” on a Monday.  It doesn’t matter what your psychological poison is, the idea of putting things off until Monday will do this to you (it rhymes with YUCK FOO).

I have learned that putting things off is a horrible way to live.  It is too easy to delay a change in behavior for a few days because we are hiding from the inevitable.  Change is going to be uncomfortable.  Yes, for some period of time, we will be uncomfortable while we change.  I know this because I have been able to change some major behaviors in my short time on this planet and each of them took planning, discipline and support from those around me.  So…here I sit on a Saturday night and my 61 pounds still needs to come off.  If you are looking to change some kind of behaviour or routine in your life, join me in throwing up the middle finger to Monday mornings and let’s get started right now (well…maybe in a few more minutes, I have one last cold piece of pizza to eat before I go to bed).

Change is a good thing my friends, so if you want to change something in your life, I promise you this…you’ll have to do something different, but once you do, the energy that you gain should help keep you pointed to your goals (whatever they may be).