A ten-year journey to my first book and business...

Paperclip Thinking:  A ten-year journey to my first book and business…

In October of 2008 I began journaling.  I journaled as a coping mechanism at first, and as my journaling became more frequent, I began writing as a means to share and express how I was feeling about life (secretly searching for others who might have felt the same way).  In 2009 I realized that the content I was sharing was adding value in my life and to the lives of others, and that felt good.

Writing became a way to clear my head after spending too much of my life listening to that voice that told me, “I wasn’t enough” and “I wasn’t adding value in the world”.  At that time in my life, the only way I knew to quiet that noise was to choose behaviors that numbed the voice.  This subsequently moved me farther and farther from any recognizable chance for peace in my life.

My health (physically and mentally) was deteriorating and yet, I was able to keep a fairly strong outward appearance and I became a master at camouflaging my own misery, by wrapping it in bravado, know it all attitudes, party guy fun, and this most certainly did not feel good.

Trying to look good, not feel good led to a painful process of me losing myself and then choosing to mask that pain.  It was at this time in my life (2009) that the universe introduced me to something that I hadn’t expected, my coach.  We met through a work function and I chose to partner with her as she had lived similar challenges in her life and she had embraced different ways and perspectives of seeing life.

As I embarked on the early stages of my coaching process (2010-2012), I noticed something about my writing.  The journaling was showing growth and change and I was finding an intense solace with my perceived evolution.  The pain from decades of living in fear didn’t simply vanish, although I was able to see life differently and adjust some of my behaviors, so I could be more impactful as a father, husband, employee, and citizen.  This process led me to answer the most important question I’ve ever answered… “What do I value of myself?” and the answers to that question supported what I valued, so I could begin choosing what I wanted for my life.  I value:

·         My willingness to be vulnerable

·         My willingness to be transparent

·         My enjoyment from seeing opportunities to add value and connecting people to those opportunities

·         My enjoyment of the process of introspection and how introspection can impact lives and businesses.

·         My compassion for people

·         My love of storytelling

These are the elements of “me” and what I value of myself.  They now fuel me to ask others what they value of themselves and this question has empowered some amazing discussions.

With all of this energy, in December of 2016 I declared that I was a coach and that Paperclip Thinking (the business shell for my services) was launched.  And then…nothing happened.  Shit!  Where were all of the clients?  Why wasn’t this message being spread?  How much money would I make?

I had become very attached to the idea of this business and I wasn’t really doing anything with the business.  I became nervous and scared about whether this message would add value.  I couldn’t answer people’s questions (as recent as January 2017) about who I was coaching and how that coaching added value to other people.  I was being impatient and I was being fear based.  All of this negative energy led me to hide out and talk about coaching, but not live the principles I coach.  That didn’t work well.

I was starting to panic in the middle of 2017 and I found myself withdrawing from some of my own principles.  I decided to do something different.  I detached from all of it.  I detached from the idea that in order to be a coach, I must have a business.  I detached from the idea that having a business meant I must have hundreds of thousands of dollars, every year.  I acknowledged the fact that I didn’t create these principles, they were shared with me and I have a responsibility to share them with other people.

I detached from the idea that a coach must charge thousands of dollars per hour to be a coach and I returned to the principles I coach.  If I wanted to be a coach:

·         What did I value of myself and do those things align with my coaching? – Yes.

·         Was I willing to explore why I was feeling so attached (fear of failure)?  – Yes.

·         Was I willing to be vulnerable and transparent? – Yes.

·         Was I willing to be intentional with the messages I send out to the universe about my health, my peace, my wants, and my care for those I come in contact with, so I could live what I was coaching? - Yes.

This detachment from the look good, supported me in doing the very thing I wanted.  I answered the questions above and then, something cool happened.  The first paying client appeared, then the first referral.  Clients two, three, and four followed, and my first corporate client came to fruition (last week).  Paperclip Thinking was launched in December of 2016, but it became a reality in November of 2017 because I let go of caring about how the business looked and I focused on supporting others with how they impact change in their lives.  I’ve become a coach.

This process, which began in 2008, has sparked my interest in creating my first book.  I’ve utilized the information and stories from my journals as the content and the book, Happiness is Over There, is scheduled to launch by the end of the year.  What I’ve learned this year is very simple.  Instead of talking about being a writer, I wrote.  Instead of talking about being a coach, I coached.

Recognizing intentions for life and realizing change is a choice and it’s rooted in action.  I’m excited about how I can support others with the change they want and I’ll do more with the blog to keep readers updated through 2018.  I’m feeling blessed to do something I love, each day, so thanks to all of you who played a part in supporting this journey. 

Step-Through NOT Breakthrough

Let’s rename breakthroughs and call them step-throughs!  If you are anything like me, you’ve experienced tons of these beautiful moments in life, so I’m curious to understand why we continue to call them breakthroughs?

The idea of breaking something feels accidental, unintentional, and the idea also feels heavy and frustrating- I don’t like to break things.  I have broken things in my home, broken things in stores, and I’ve even broken relationships and partnerships, and none of the “breaking” felt good, so during a recent coaching conversation, I made the decision to refrain from using breakthroughs and I’m re-purposing them to step-throughs, here’s why:

Step-throughs feel purpose driven and in my experiences, these moments of stepping through to a new way of thinking can be frequent and they are rooted in action.  Step throughs are a choice!  Inviting someone to share in a powerful conversation, bringing a new idea to a team, or coming to an agreement on a new way to solve a business or life challenge are all examples of ways to generate a step-through.

What sits on the other side of a step-through?

I continue to realize balance, health, innovation, revenue, income and fun through my step-throughs and the most beautiful part is that everyone has access to this way of thinking & living, so let’s choose to step-through versus breakthrough, together.

Apologetic Humility

I have been guilty of using humor and apologies to glaze over fear & insecurity.  If I pick on myself with witty one liners, no one can laugh at me - they’ll be laughing at my one liner.  The apologies have been used when insecurity about an idea or concept surfaces and it goes like this, “so sorry that this may not be a great idea…” or “let me apologize in advance that I’m…”.  I think you get the idea and I believe most of us have done this before, right?

I find it common for our insecurities or fears to provoke all sorts of time wasting thoughts in our head.  I was in a recent discussion about my latest web-redesign with the CEO of a Detroit based digital company, Whim-Detroit, and I received some powerful insight on the topic.

Lori McColl is brave and powerful.  She is building her business from the ground up and the work she has completed in support of Paperclip Thinking LLC (www.paperclipthinking.com) has been amazing.  We were talking about the fear and insecurity that can rear up when you are starting something new and she looked at me and said, “the fear or insecurity we all face when we embark on a new journey, isn’t “glazed” over when you’re self-deprecating or inauthentically apologizing, the fear seems magnified to the people you’re talking to, so I stopped doing that!”

Her quote inspired me to think about the ways I work to prevent that fear and insecurity from getting too loud in my head and triggering that “let’s joke or apologize” button, so for anyone who has experienced this, here are a few ideas that may support you in approaching these situations differently:

de- “label” - innovation and creativity are rooted in idea generation.  I don’t subscribe to “good” ideas or “bad” ideas, they are simply ideas.  Some will add value and some might not and that is a beautiful thing.  I invite you to keep the ideas flowing and when you take the labels away, idea generation becomes less fearful and those amazing ideas are ready to share.

agendas -  I have been guilty of beating around the bush and then losing my idea and confusing the hell out of the person who is talking with me.  I’m working, diligently, to create agenda points for my crucial conversations, so when I’m on the phone I remain on point and this mini-agenda process has afforded me the ability to be more crisp and succinct and that has eliminated the fear and insecurity from my discussions.

Enjoy your week and thanks for reading!.

Coaching Curiosity- what do you do?

I was recently introduced to a potential coachee and she asked, “is being a coach just corporate speak for being a therapist?” and then she posed a follow up question, “and...what certifies you to be a coach?”  Both questions were powerful and both questions continue to inspire introspection.  

No- I am not a therapist.  Therapy is based in the past and I’m focused on supporting people with the present and their intentions for the future.  The person who was questioning me also referenced coaching as a way to “fix” people.  She shared her past experiences with coaches and these coaches were people who had been assigned by HR as a “corrective action” for a perceived faltering performance.  That makes me sad- both for her and for the reputation of the coaching process.  I’m not in the business of “fixing” people, because I don’t believe that anyone is broken and I won’t support coaching as a “fix it” endeavor.  I believe anything we experience in life is tied back to choices we make, plain and simple.  This belief is where my coaching is rooted and it is the cornerstone of how I’m coached, today.  When I support people, I coach them by sharing some of the experiences I’ve had and the results from those experiences (some healthy, some not- I share it all) because sharing can transition into invitations for my coachees to consider the results I gathered and then they can make their choice regarding whether or not applying those invitations may add value to their current situation (s).  Through 8 years of experience as a coachee, I’ve embraced choosing a new way to live, lead and support the people I encounter.  I’ve become comfortable with Paperclip Thinking™ and I have embraced a more divergent way to create value.  My energy levels are high, I’m taking care of my health (have shed 55 pounds), my discussions are more creative, my debt has gone away, income has increased and my wife and children share a deeper relationship with me than we had in the past.  These are the results that I chose to achieve and the coaching process supported me, so now I’m focused on learning what others want from life and I can support them in achieving their wants, too.  That’s what a coach is, from my perspective.  

The second question.  Am I certified?  No- I’m qualified.  Our society LOVES certifications, don’t we?  In the past, I’ve bought into the corporate dogma that states, “because someone is certified they must be qualified” and I’m no longer buying it!  When I selected my coach, it was important for me that the person was living life in a way that was inspiring to me (not whether they paid for a test and a certification) and as I sought coaching for my own reasons; embrace health, let go of fear, choose balance, experience career growth, and remain strong as a parent and husband, these were ultimately my wants and if I would have placed my wants into the hands of a coach who was certified, but not living in inspiration, creativity, innovation and growth, then it didn’t feel worth my time.

Am I certified, no.  Will I ever be, no!  Am I qualified, yes.  Forty-four years on this planet, a wife of 19 years, 3 children, 7 jobs, 2 careers, 8 years of coaching and a laundry list of experiences and the data that comes from them.  Through all of this, I’ve achieved the ability and willingness to choose peace.  So...what’s a coach, you ask?  A coach is someone who is passionate about sharing their experiences and offering the knowledge they’ve gained, so the coachee can benefit from a different perspective and work to achieve what they want from life.  I love to coach and I couldn’t ask for a better way to add value to those I come in contact with, daily.