A different kind of hug...

They moved in together in February 2007 after their sister was born. They slept each night, no more than 5 feet apart and that changed when our oldest moved out in January 2021. Being roommates for that many years had its fair share of pushing, shoving, and shouting - yet each night – no more than 5 feet apart, they always found a way to peacefully doze off and dream about the great things that would happen in their lives. They grew and matured as so many do, our oldest had moved out, they celebrated their independence (and increased personal space) and I wondered if they would ever want to be that close, in proximity, again.

In September 2022 they both moved away, into their own version of “home”, and the Green and White of Michigan State’s campus had them more than 5 feet apart, yet they’d found a way to be in the same city, on the same campus, and within walking distance of each other.

On February 13th – shots rang out. My wife and I sat helpless, at the home we’d built together, the home where our boys slept no more than 5 feet apart for 13 years, and we did our level best to remain calm as texts about SWAT teams, helicopters, active shooters, barricaded apartments, and dorm rooms took center stage.

On February 14th – our blessings were realized. They were safe, they were alive, and not every family on campus could say the same, which turned my feelings of joy into an indescribable pain, as I tried to fathom the grief and pain those families were forced to endure. I was blessed to know my boys were okay and the questions flooded my mind. How do we keep the sanctity of that place? How does this campus, which our boys now refer to as “home” ever feel normal?

My Freshman wanted to be home on Monday night, so after the “all clear” he made it home and we grieved with him Monday night and Tuesday morning about the horror he had experienced, which culminated in the knowledge that one of his friends lost his life during this despicable time. How do we explain that unnecessary loss?

The evening of the 14th we went back to campus, together, as a family. We drove from Dearborn, quietly to East Lansing, so that all 5 of us could hug, celebrate life, mourn unnecessary death, and try to make sense out of all of it.

 My Junior wanted to remain on campus and grieve his way, so the texts and calls were on the hour. We made it to the parking lot of the apartment building and our Junior turned the corner from his apartment to meet us, we saw each other for the first time since the text came in about “shooter on campus”, our eyes met, the tears poured.

I jumped out of my car and as a Father, I’m supposed to protect them, yet – it was my Junior who grabbed me, hugged me, and said, “I’m going to be okay Dad”. As we wept, I want you to know that this hug isn’t the hug I’m writing about.

“I’m going to be okay Dad” was followed up with “Where’s my brother?”. At the exact time of his question, his brother jumped from the back seat of our car. They didn’t speak- they cried- and they hugged & embraced in a way I had never seen two people hug before.

This was the hug of fortunate circumstances and resilience, a hug of relief, of decompression, and a hug between two people who had been through something unimaginable, yet so frequent in their lifetime.

How will this ever be normal again? It won’t. This has forever changed them and thousands of others, so if I stretch to find any beauty in this horrid situation, my beauty comes from the boys, now men, who grew up no more than 5 feet apart and in the aftermath of something so traumatic, they found each other- they didn’t need words- they needed to be no more than 5 feet apart. It was this hug that starts their healing journey and will forever inspire me.

God bless the lives lost- and may God send peace to all of you.

Much love- Trav

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Paperclip Thinking delivers life & career advice (based on real life experiences). Want more discussion in your life about these topics- check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that occurs every other Wednesday from February through September. To join the community, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the world of Paperclip Thinking.

Understanding.

It is Martin Luther King Jr. day and as I reflect about what this man stood for - I hear the word “understanding” over and over in my head. Could I seek to understand more? Could the journey toward a willingness to understand other perspectives lead to more love and compassion in our world?

Martin Luther King Jr.’s behaviors support that this man cared so deeply about humans loving and respecting one another that he was willing to dedicate his life (literally) to the cause. That level of care, passion, and interest are beyond intriguing, to me.

Continued reflection had me contemplate the behaviors Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. wanted to eradicate and how he witnessed so much hate, anger, jealousy, fear, discontent, and a general sense of disgust between humans. Instead of some attempt at a broad stroke answer that could eradicate the fear that leads to the hate that leads to the destruction of life, I’m going to focus on me. One person, one set of behaviors, and I’ll invite you to do the same.

I can choose, every day, to be a different and more understanding version of myself and I believe that I could do more to support a more loving and peaceful world. I can ask more questions, I can have more dialogue, I can be willing to appreciate differences – not condemn them. I’m going to choose to be more “purposefully understanding” and this type of understanding and curiosity could ease some of the pain so many of us feel every day.

My love to Dr. King for the ultimate sacrifice he made, as a man, attempting to make our world a better place.

Thoughts?

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Want more discussion in your life - check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that I facilitate every other Wednesday. To join the community, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the world of discussion-clubbers.

What have you seen (in the midst of a pandemic)?

We’ve been under “shelter in place” since March 12, 2020, so for 9 weeks I’ve been writing in my journal about this experience and working to document and articulate what was happening in the world around me. How was this impacting me? My family? Those I have closest access to?  In total, I created 22 journal entries – some were long and emotional – some were short and sweet – all of them fell into the bucket of “unprecedented”.

This pandemic is an experience that none of us planned for and similar to many of the unforeseen experiences of life, they tend to sneak up and then Tsunami like…they are “everywhere” – news channels, social media, school announcements, emails…everywhere! My reality through this experience was (and is) tied to my perceptions and perspectives, so from my perspective, I was able to find some beauty within this whirlwind. Please don’t misinterpret what I’m saying…It wasn’t constant beauty. I had a family member impacted by this virus, I knew people who lost family members due to this virus, and I’m sure everyone knows someone who is now unemployed because of this virus. None of this would be fair to label as beauty, yet, through all of this- I still saw (and see) beauty. Our adventure on this planet took a turn. These moments, these experiences, these highs and lows…this is the present (and I’m choosing to live here and now).

What did I see?  Where was this beauty? To start – I reconnected to something very deep and very spiritual. That inspiration led to the creation of two characters (Mumma & Little One) for the book, “They All Went Inside”, and this story is in the hands of hundreds of people now and it tells one perspective about this pandemic and I’m hoping to have it in as many hands as possible. Hands willing and able to listen and consider these characters teachings.

Then - my wife and I worked on our house and our finances… we re-connected to the concept of needs versus wants and we shared these experiences with our children. Powerful lessons for all of us. We also mourned the loss and celebrated the life of a friend who passed during this time and my wife and I supported more teaching with our children: sharing love, and openly discussing what this experience could be like for our friends and their family. This dialogue is beauty!

I watched, read, and viewed a level of divisiveness that was also unprecedented. Topics like vaccinations, social distancing, conspiracy theories, political support, economic recovery, viral disaster planning, executive orders, free speech, and immune systems took on a life of their own and brought out, from my perspective, some of the worst of our human condition. Through this madness, our family continued to have dialogue about these topics and that was something that hadn’t been happening in my family (as frequently) pre-COVID. Again, more beauty.

I look forward to Michigan and the rest of the U.S. reopening, moving forward, and healing. I ask everyone to consider remaining in your heart during these times. Remain close to the things you love, the places you love, the people you love. Don’t allow the hustle and bustle to resume, unfettered, and allow this experience to become a distant memory. I pray to the God I believe in, the God who inspires me, that we all remember the power of dialogue: truly seeking to understand another’s perspective and using that perspective to learn and to grow (even if it means we completely disagree with the person we’re learning from).

These are the experiences that I considered beautiful during a global pandemic. If you’re willing, please share what you learned in the comments section, so I might be able to gather additional perspectives from those of you who see the world differently.

Love to all of you- Travis

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and proceeds from these sales are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Through my publishing business, Paperclip Thinking LLC, I offer speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer Career and Family Coaching to those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions.

Surrender is an interesting word...isn't it?

I thought 2008 – in the midst of a global recession - was going to shape up to be one of the most challenging times of my life (present and future). After all – millions of homes were going into foreclosure, people lost work, banks were being bailed out, and the stock market was in tough shape. It was a nightmare (or so I thought).

Flash forward to 2020 and perspectives change. I will always remember: COVID-19, pandemic, case counts, death counts, shelter in place, essential services, businesses closed, 25 million people out of work, an economy in a free fall, and a government that was built on ego and looking good – trying their best to navigate a country through the midst of this unprecedented time.

Now might be an odd time to bring up the word surrender, but I like odd, so here we go. And…before the traditional definition of the word “surrender” has you twist into using phrases like, “snowflake”, “weak”, or “giving up”, please read on with an open mind and heart.

I was conditioned to believe that surrender is a form of weakness. I didn’t surrender on the field of competition, I didn’t surrender to depression, I didn’t surrender to financial collapse, I have friends who have served honorably in the military and they might say they didn’t surrender on the field of battle, and if you surrender in the corporate world, your career might be in jeopardy. It’s easy to see how using the word surrender could have a negative connotation.

Every year I create a new journal.  A standing Christmas gift from my Mother and Father. Same style, same logo stamped on the lower right corner (the year and my initials) and during the first week of January I write an intention for the year.  I use this exercise as a way to manifest the good and the beauty and the abundance for the upcoming year that I intend for the universe to provide.

This year’s intention: January 2020 – “A year rooted in becoming a listener, fully focused on understanding.  A year rooted in un-inviting fear (not welcome here) and a year rooted in honesty.  The beginning of a full surrender to the peace of life and to the roll I play on this planet, and to the God I believe in and all of the energy and love he has created for us.”

As I wrote this intention, I used the term surrender without thinking about the broader meaning. I reflect on it almost every day, and as I reflected on it this morning- I could not have imagined how perfectly aligned it is, for me, during this time. I have a new belief that surrender is about letting go, not giving up. It’s letting go of expectations, preconceived plans, and the fear that can come during change. Surrendering to my faith and to the faith of the people of this world. Surrendering to the belief that we do have the ability to grow from this, to learn from this, and to prosper in this new normal. This time has reinforced my love and faith in so many areas.  I’m surrendering to the peace of life, whatever that may look like. Surrender isn’t for the weak – it’s a way to embrace peace. 

I invite you to consider and I send Love to all of you.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I provide speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer group or individual sessions for those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website  www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up speaking engagements or in-person & on-line sessions.

Action, Love, Vulnerability, Transparency, and Resilience

I wrote this as an invocation for the Dearborn Rotary Club.  Thanks for the inspiration Candy Hipple & Lynne Hughes  and for becoming partners in a journey to support shifting perspectives on how the world is viewed.

Action, Love, Vulnerability, Transparency, and Resilience.

Action is energy that powers growth, learning, and experiences- How many ways could we “BE” ACTIVE?

Love is the energy that binds each of us- How many ways could we “BE” LOVING?

Vulnerability is the courage to speak and act with humility about topics that you may feel only impact a few, when in fact, they impact the masses. – How many ways could we “BE” VULNERABLE?

Transparency is the willingness to open your life’s book and speak from the experiences you have had and how they make you feel, so others may benefit. – How many ways could we “BE” TRANSPARENT?

Resilience is the energy that supports ACTION when Love, Vulnerability, and Transparency all seem to fall on deaf ears. – How many ways could we “BE” RESILIENT?

School Shootings, Unemployment, Missing Children, Political Adversity, Economic Challenges… we have so many reasons to consider giving up on the world.  Today, I stand here with the intention of reminding everyone I can reach that beauty still exists: the friends we have around us; the students I encounter daily and their energy for life; the support we are blessed to offer the world; the 49 degrees in the month of February (in Michigan); and the ability for each of us to choose Action, Love, Vulnerability, Transparency, and Resilience, daily!