Sticks and Stones

It’s been 15 months since I engaged in my writing routine. That routine is simple because it involves paying close attention to the thoughts that race in my mind, dumping those thoughts in a journal and then, sometimes, one of those thoughts just feels right, so I write about it more formally and leave it on my blog for others to experience. I’ve been blessed with a mind that loves to be curious, so most weeks- something hits me hard enough to feel like sharing, but I haven’t felt like myself for a while.

 It’s not that I haven’t had ample thoughts over the last year, but I have lacked inspiration. My last post, February of 2023, spilled out the emotional experience of standing by and watching my boys face off with their time in East Lansing, Michigan as the campus was under lock down because of a shooter who callously and in the ultimate form of cowardice ended innocent lives then ended his own. Candidly, things hadn’t felt too inspirational following that experience. But this too shall pass, right?

March of 2023 kicked off another chaotic time, because the day-time career I’ve chosen deals with careers: the starting of; the changing of; the ending of. And I had to learn how to balance emotions because (along with my team) we impacted 327 careers due to the downturn of our economy and the struggled performance of our business. Things continued to feel less than inspirational. But this too shall pass, right?

The new year, 2024, began with the skip of a heartbeat, literally. And then it skipped again and again, and the diagnosis was Atrial Fibrillation, which led to some additional testing and after a few months and some echocardiograms, cardiac MRIs, new medicine, heartrate monitors, sleep apnea tests, a cardiac ablation surgery and one bad run in with a bread knife - we concluded that I’d also get the honor of learning about Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. HCM is a genetic heart disease and I have it. So…let’s keep the less than inspirational feelings rolling, right? Oh wait, this too shall pass.

Now – here’s the thought stream that led me to writing again. Remember a long time ago, people used to say that sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt you. Remember that? They’re right. And here is a different outlook that I’ve decided to embrace.

It’s been 15 months since my last article, because I needed to learn several things about myself, so that I could wake – this morning – and remind people that no matter how fucked up life might feel - the sun still shines, trees are still beautiful, and life is an amazing adventure.

Impacting 327 lives taught me how to deliver horrible news with love and compassion. I know that receiving that news might not allow those who received it to feel that it was delivered with love and compassion, so I’d ask them to trust that it was, and to reflect on where they are now, and could that change they had forced upon them been the long-term betterment that their lives were ready for?

That skip of a heartbeat led me to incredible doctors and nurses, discussions with friends and family, and it gave me perspective on the number of people who have had tougher diagnosis and more brutal endings to their experiences than I have had, so I’ve learned gratitude from the very middle-aged feeling kick-off to 2024.

Sticks and stones may break your bones and names may never kill you, but sometimes words can stain the soul – just a bit - and if we let those stains multiply, life may feel darker than it needs to, so when I think about these last 15 months and what they have taught me – they taught me to embrace resilience (I’m resilient as hell and I trust you are too). I learned that I could choose love and optimism and I also learned that sometimes people need some time of their own to wrestle with (and to be pissed and scared) before we are ready to jump back into the beauty of “what could be”.

So, after all of these experiences – God did it again, He gave me opportunities to embrace and demonstrate all of the feelings we’re capable of – and for that (and for Him), I’m eternally grateful.

God bless all of you- and may He send peace to you during your times of chaos.

Much love- Trav

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Paperclip Thinking delivers career, life, and leadership advice (based on real life experiences). If you ever want to explore becoming a Paperclip Thinker, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) or if you want some good content – follow on Facebook and Instagram: @paperclipthinking

If you're going through hell...

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” a quote rumored to belong to Winston Churchill.

The quote’s simple. It’s direct. And is seems to be the most logical way to get out of nasty situation. I lead a business that has its fair share of ebbs and flows. Our service model was created to give flexibility to our clients and our service involves very talented people. When our clients experience downturns or slowdowns with their hiring (which many of them have in the early months of 2023), it is not uncommon for judgement call to be made, which leads to impacting people’s careers. And rarely are these planned with advance notice.

It’s times like these that Churchill’s quote seems the most fitting. Change can be hell (for some). Careers pausing & changing can be hell. Delivering painful news can be hell. And working to not be consumed by negativity during times like these can be hell.

How do we keep going? How do we keep moving forward when the very place we find ourselves seems to be all consuming?

Here is how I process these versions of hell and keep moving forward. Remember that situations happen for us, not to us. Cliché – maybe. Accurate – most certainly. Everything that has ever happened in my life that would have been hell-like, has led me to where I am, so take Churchill’s advice and keep going- because beauty is still around you, you just can’t see it right now.   Don’t stop moving. If you ever find yourself impacted at work and a job changes or goes away – afford yourself some grieve time (no more than a few days) and then get up, prepare the resume, call everyone in your network, lean on your contacts and friends, and move your career search forward. Sitting still will only delay the end game of you finding your next adventure. Look in the mirror. It will be easy to blame during these times. Remind yourself that what you have in your control is the ability to love and share compassion, so do that. It will be more productive than blaming the world around you for what has happened. Could there be something you’ll do different in your next role? Is there something that you tolerated in the role you’ve lost that you want to avoid in the future? Learn from these changes and be wiling to look in the mirror and grow from the decisions and feedback you’ve been given. You have gifts that no one else has. You have skill that no one else has (the way you do). You’re unique. And you are powerful- so if you find yourself in a hell-like spot…don’t stop moving forward.

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Paperclip Thinking delivers life & career advice (based on real life experiences). Want more discussion in your life about these topics- check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that I facilitate every other Wednesday. To join the community, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the world of discussion-clubbers.

The beauty that isn't easily seen...

March 19, 2020

To my oldest child, Braeden, I’d like to share this with you - specifically you.  I’ve posted the article for others to see and read, although I’m writing this as if it were you and me and only you and me.  We are starting week 2 of “social distancing” and I know you’re pissed.  Aren’t all of us in some way, shape, or form?

It is one of the best clichés…”you never know what life holds”.  Well, let’s start with this – I never knew that we would be working from home together for a month (maybe more) and that our evenings would be filled with discussions about what “really” constitutes breaking the social distancing practice that we are currently applying in our lives.

I never knew that toilet paper, paper towels, chicken breasts, bread, and bottles of water would become the hot topic of the 2020 spring break season.  I never knew how much I enjoyed popping out to a movie theater to see a quick flick.  I never realized how much I could miss a 6am workout with some incredibly fun and engaging people, and I never knew how blessed we really are, until I read article after article about kids without breakfast and lunch, thousands of sick people, media coverage that is relentless in its inadvertent attempts to scare the shit out of everyone.  The cliché has come to life, “we never knew what life holds”, did we?

You and your classmates (around the world) who are scheduled to graduate from high school this spring/summer are facing an unprecedented time (at least over the last 100 years) and living in a time of uncertainty and fragility could make many people crumble, but not you.  I see you each day…so many of you and your friends – getting up, doing your thing, talking to each other, riding that mountain bike, walking that dog, Tik Tok (and more Tik Tok), crunching that homework, and through all of this you are growing and that growing is the beauty that you can’t see.  You began asking about building tables, buying lumber, and working with your hands.  You have found ways to get outside, safely, and maintain your energy and you are maintaining your focus through the most distracting of times.

You (and so many of your age-mates) have the right to choose to be pissed about what is happening.  You have the right to be frustrated and dismayed about this pandemic we face.  What’s pretty astonishing to me… through all of this – you’ve asked me how I’m doing more that I’ve asked you?  Ironic, right?  In a world where it’s assumed that the parent is to be looking after the child, I’ve experienced you looking after us.  I can see a confidence in your stance and through your behaviors, I’m feeling stronger and stronger that we are all going to be okay through this “hiccup”.  I trust in our friends, our family, our country, and in you and your generation.  We will most definitely experience an impact from all of this shit, and one thing that lays comfortably around me…you are strong (and so are all of you in the class of 2020).  Tears, emotions, shortness with your friends and family (all normal), because you are human and this is not easy or comfortable.  To the graduating class of COVID-19, let life throw its futile attempt at kicking you down.  You’re already showing all of us what it means to be resilient and that, too, is beauty that can’t be easily be seen.

Thank you, Braeden.  I love you.  Now…let’s plan for that exciting day when you can go back to school and get out of the damn house, so I can have my office room back! J

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

What is your "one thing"...

My wife and I have three children.  Our oldest is a senior in high school and we’ve just kicked off the new school year. It already feels like the world is spinning too damn fast and the insane part about this senior year experience is how nothing has really changed, but everything feels different.  We’ve been through freshman, sophomore, and junior year, so we (his Mom and I) have witnessed all of this stuff before: tennis matches; homecoming dances; swim meets; golf matches; time with friends; band parties; work shifts; leaving his shit around the house; and yet all of it feels different because these are the last times we’ll get to see these things from the vantage point of being his high school parents.  Exciting and saddening simultaneously. 

Through the summer and into the start of this school year, I could see his wheels turning too: where will I go to school; what will I do for work; is this Common App thing going to be a pain in the ass; where will I live; how many hours do senior pictures take… and then, last weekend, he asked us for perspective on something a bit deeper.  He wanted to know why he hadn’t found his “one thing”.  I thought I understood what he meant when he asked, but I had to ask for some more clarity.  It was early evening on a Sunday night, so as much as I enjoy a good esoteric talk, I wanted to make sure I was going to be able to support what he was looking for and not take us into the wee hours.  What he shared hit home.  He expressed feeling like he was missing out on some of life because he hadn’t identified something that inspired him, fully.  Something that triggered a desire to place all of his passion and energy into it.  He went on about how he was feeling and I loved that he took my wife and me down this path.  The question saddened me a bit, especially because he was feeling that he was lacking in life because he didn’t have “one thing” to throw all of his life’s energy at.  He rattled off a bunch of friends who he assumed had their “one thing” and this assumption was powering his outlook.  What caused it?

It’s talked about often – the societal pressure that kids face today – and I think it’s totally different (and more intensified) than my Generation X cronies ever experienced.  The idea of finding this “one thing” can be painful.  And…with some wisdom behind me, I think to myself, “who wants to find one thing anyway?”  Our world is made up of diversity (we look for diversity in school, at work, in our day to day lives – you know, that well rounded person and those differing opinions that make us unique, but somehow, we have shoved the idea that kids must excel at “one thing” and find their passion by the time they graduate high school?  I call bullshit.  One sport athletes, kids being asked to choose their major before they even go off to college, asking what they want to do for a living (at 17).  It all seems so crazy to me, so very real to him.

As a side note: outside my parenting, husbanding, and occasional “adulting” duties, I am a recruiting executive, a coach, and an author.  I live by, coach, write about, and share principles that I call Paperclip Thinking.  This thinking is a way that triggers the brain to be more divergent in thought and the principles – self valuation, personal accountability, introspection, divergent thought, intentional living – have supported me in opening up the way I make decisions and process deep questions.  When I think about various topics I enjoy finding multiple solutions to a perceived challenge and as easy as it can be to get trapped in believing that there is only one right answer to a challenge, I use the following phrase as a way to open up my mind and identify more options.  The phrase, “How many ways could we…” does just that.  It challenges me to start building lists of possibilities.  Let’s apply this Paperclip Thinking to the “one thing” scenario...How many ways could you appreciate the diversity of your life’s many activities?  How many ways could tons of experiences add value in your life?  How many ways could you choose a profession/activity that inspires you?  Start writing and create lists that answer the questions you’ve posed to yourself.  I believe the answers will come from the lists of possibilities.

Now here is something else to think about.  Are we coaching our children to find “one thing”?  Are we inadvertently guiding them to throw all of their energy into one sport, one activity, or one club?  Could this be a recipe for pain and pressure?  Personal introspection moment…did my wife and I teach our son that he was lacking in life because he didn’t have “one thing”?  Maybe.  And if so, could we unwind this thinking before the sun rises on Monday morning?  Eh – maybe not.  I do know this.  I love learning from my son.  He teaches us as much and as often as we teach him.  His question made us think.  I, for one, have read a number of stories, watched documentaries, and have spoken to parents about this topic.  It seems there are fewer kids sampling life.  Could there really be a larger numbers of kids no longer bouncing from season to season, playing different sports, joining different clubs, interacting with different people, and sampling life?  They seem to be training, planning and preparing to do their “one thing” and I feel like this might be setting them up for a bubble that is destined to burst.

To my son…if “one thing” is the popular thing now…maybe your “one thing” could be the fact that you are exploring so many things.  You are sampling and for that…we are excited for you.  Keep it up, my man.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.