Inspiration.

It can become easy to lose yourself in the world we live in. It’s also been easy, for me, to forget the actions and the experiences that are at my core and the very things that create inspiration in my life. How do I “lose” myself? Well…I spend my time shuffling, moving, picking up, dropping off, traveling in, traveling out, meeting, presenting, watching, planning, thinking, caring, questioning. That’s how. Where do you spend most of your time, these days? How do you remain connected to what inspires you at a core level?

I’m a proponent of growth, evolution, care, compassion, intrigue, romance, and intimacy. When looking back, these are common denominators of the experiences and actions in my life that have created such positive energy. This energy has led to activity and that activity has led to a successful career, fatherhood, friendships, and deep relationships. Any time I find myself in a funk – when I take the time to reflect and look in the mirror - I find that I’m steering away from what inspires me. When I work to reconnect with my growth, my evolution, the care I offer others, my levels of compassion, my intrigue about people, places, and things, the romance in my life and the intimacy I connect to – this is when my adventures on this planet feel most exhilarating.

 Regardless of how busy we might become, how many children we choose to have, how much money we plan to earn, how many places we want to see on this planet … if those actions aren’t rooted in what inspires you, I think you’ll find that they can start to feel hollow. Give yourself time to breath, give yourself time to reflect, give yourself time to remember the things that inspired you to be you. Do. Those. Things.

A good friend told me this last night, “it’s the collision of passion, love, and intrigue that makes this life on Earth so mesmerizing” ...

Thoughts?

If you enjoy these posts, please subscribe to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy to leave a comment, because I love discussions & dialogue. Want more discussion in your life - check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that I facilitate every other Wednesday. To join the community, please email me (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the world of discussion-clubbers.

Who are we doing this for?

It is odd to realize how often our behaviors are swayed by other people’s presence. Have you ever seen a child “wipe out” and they quickly look around to see if someone is there…then they cry? Or…a child wipes out and wants to cry and they look around to make sure they don’t cry? How about dancing – we might dance like maniacs in our living room, yet if someone knocks on our door…we might quickly stop, right? And in the world of work – does your heartbeat increase 10-fold when you find out that a pre-planned presentation for two people now includes your boss and three others?

I’ve been all these people at some point in my life, who hasn’t? What is it about these situations that have you act differently? I’ve looked back at my behaviors and they are tied to nervousness of judgement, insecurity, or the desperate attempt to feel “wanted & appreciated” at work or by the person or team you’re with. All those feelings have nothing to do with anyone else, but me, right? So how do I stop doing that?

 I remind myself that I’m living for me and you are living for you. If you fall and you want to cry, cry. If you fall and you don’t want to cry, then don’t – please don’t worry about what I might think of you, either way. If you love to dance – then dance and if someone knocks on the door…invite them in to dance with you or duck behind the couch and wait until then leave – just don’t let me impact that decision for you. And…be active on that presentation at work – your thoughts could have massive impact for your business.

Who is this “life” for? It’s for you, isn’t it? Go have fun with it and let us know how you feel - because I’m learning that life is more fun when I’m worrying less about what you might think of me.

Do you see that perspective differently?

If you enjoy posts like this one, please subscribe below to The Paperclip Thinking Blog and don’t be shy about leaving a comment or two! After all – life gets better with dialogue and you can’t have dialogue if we are always in agreement with each other, right?!? In addition - if you want more discussion in your life - check out “The Venue” – a Zoom based discussion club that I facilitate every other Wednesday. To join us: email (travis@paperclipthinking.com) and I’d be happy to welcome you into the community of discussion-clubbers.

What If?

Is it possible to live in faith and in fear, simultaneously? I don’t think you can. I think, buried deep in our human subconscious, are the experiences that led us down one of these two paths (core faith or core fear) and it’s understandable how this occurs, after all, the logic and science that has been shared suggests that fear is present to “protect us”. Back in the day, when we were out “hunting or gathering”, then a saber-tooth tiger pops around the corner…fear inserts itself and I would get out of the way of the saber-tooth tiger (with significant increase in blood-pressure and heart rate). It’s logical and biological that fear, under the veil of protection, is there to keep us safe.

Now- what happens if the saber-tooth tigers are all gone, yet we continue to feed our own fear? Feed it with worry, anxiety, and overthinking? Fear is contagious and it can grow and spread, quickly. Especially if you feed it and water it – as our society appears to be doing at a feverish pace. Anxiety, depression, hate (all byproducts of fear, from my perspective) …seem to be at all-time highs, so what if?

What if we stopped feeding it and watering it? What if we exchanged fear with faith? The faith that empowers us to reconnect to the belief of “the path we’re on is exactly where we are to be, now, today, right here”. Faith in the construct that life is happening for us, not too us, and everything from the best of days to the worst of days all share something powerful in common…a lesson that can be used to learn and grow. What if our world embraced faith more than fear? Could things be healthier for all of us?

Let me know what you think?

The "why" and "how" behind The Venue

I haven’t posted on this blog since February 11, 2021 and here’s why - I’ve been focused, maybe pre-occupied is a better description, with sending books out into the world, attempting to expand my weekends to include branding my work into a Social Education Platform called the Divergent Thinking Academy for elementary, middle and high schools, and I’m still supporting my teams at TrueBlue with a job I love. Why do all of this? I’d love to say it was for the passion of the work, yet that would be a lie. I’ve been swept into the world of “have to” – you know… “I have to do this” or “I have to do that” because that’s what successful people do – they hustle. The problem is…all of the hustling and the pulling in different directions has created an interesting disconnect to something I hold near and dear to my heart - “having fun”. I love to write. I’m interested in supporting anyone who wants some guidance through life. And Paperclip Thinking and the pillars that make up this thinking continue to shape me in the coolest ways and remain a huge part of who I am and who I’m becoming. For five years I’ve been pre-occupied with “building a business” and my focus had been on growth and expansion. I thought this focus was the proper thing to do and I assumed that this multi-pronged focus would lead me down the path of recognition and money.

Reality check - some of this “business stuff” took the fun out of “why” I do what I do. When the fun & learning stops, I think it’s important to reflect and can be more important to pivot. I’m testing the hypothesis that if we remain focused on our “why” and we spend time supporting others, maybe the other stuff (growth, expansion, etc.) becomes a by-product for the future. I’m shifting my pre-occupation with “build and grow” to a more aligned value system of, “share and guide”. It’s a subtle shift, for me, yet the impact is huge on my well-being. I love a good discussion. I love vulnerable topics. I love the idea of people not feeling “alone” on this planet and I love sharing what I’ve learned on my life’s journey (so others might be able to experience their journey with some additional guidance and perspective and a few less fuck-ups). This is my focus and my “why”.

The “how” is connected to my ability to share and guide through a discussion club called “The Venue”. This discussion club meets every other Wednesday (you can DM me on Instagram, send me a note through FB Messenger, or you can email me to join The Venue’s community). These sessions are one hour long, cost you nothing, and include a mix of people from all corners of the country, ages 14+ are welcome and during our discussions I facilitate a couple of things: 1) I bring forward topics that all of us think about yet very few discuss on a regular basis; 2) our attendees share “ultimate life hacks” for career preparation, personal growth, and life transitions (i.e. learnings from moving from middle school to high school, deciding if college is or isn’t for you, selecting a major if you are in college, choosing a career that you will love and prosper doing, ways to remain balanced in our crazy world, how to build and leverage a network, methods for navigating anxiety and stress, how to change careers later in life…just to name a few of our recent topics); and 3) our community shares all of its knowledge and experiences in a safe environment. Some join to share and some join to listen…some do both. We use Zoom, so you can pop into a session from anywhere.

Please follow @paperclipthinking on Instagram and Facebook. These are two of the platforms where I share content most frequently and I’d be honored if you’d join us as we spread the message of this unique kind of “Paperclip Thinking” and how being divergent in thought can positively impact life.

Following each session of The Venue I’ll be sharing the takeaways from our group discussion on The Paperclip Thinking Blog. If you miss a session – don’t worry – you can subscribe to the blog and learn on your own time and at your own pace:  www.paperclipthinking.com/blog

I hope to hear from you soon and know that from here forward… I’ll be focused on, “changing the world…one discussion at a time”. I hope you’ll consider joining the discussion!

Contact: travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions. Love y’all.

A Tale of Two Cities...I mean Two Worlds

Thought pre-occupation can be considered collateral damage of a hyper-active mind. I’ve had a hyper-active mind since I can remember and there are times when I get tired of the desire to think. The constant curiosity, the desire to understand where a thought comes from, what sparked it, who planted the seed for the thought…you get the drift. Looking back – this hyper-active mind has done some great things for me (career performance, book creation, business ideas, coaching style), yet if the thoughts are left to run wild, that’s where it becomes more damage than beauty. ‘Thoughts Gone Wild’ don’t get me anywhere, unless anywhere means late or sleepless nights.

Daydreaming moments or eerily quiet times late at night when the thought train leaves the station… sometimes it can be creative and peaceful, and sometimes it’s angst over, why? Why what? Why not me? Why me? Why anything or everything? Those thoughts are stifling, tiring, sometimes dramatic, silly, and most of the time they are anticipatively fabricated, which can be the most unproductive use of the mind.

I live in the mid-west and since mid-December the skies are gray, it’s cold, and as I eluded to…it’s mid-winter in Michigan, so being outside requires gear that one could use to climb Everest and I’m more of a shorts and flip-flops guy. Toss in what I hope to be the tail end of a global pandemic and we’ve got a nice recipe for some blah days, right? This “locked down” world, has given me plenty of time to think, so when the collateral beauty of my hyper-active mind shows up (the ability to find intriguing and contemplative thoughts that could add value to my life), I write. What was the most recent collateral beauty amongst my winter doldrums? The thought of two worlds. More succinctly, I’ve been feeling stretched between two worlds, so let me offer a glimpse into what these worlds feel like.

World #1 is a place where opinions matter, a place where pressure is self-imposed, a place where what you have defines who you are. A place where keeping up is as important as the breath that fills your lungs. A place where your spot on the planet is determined based on what you do for a living or the school you attended, or the neighborhood you choose to live. A place where relationships can lose their Moxy because the time to invest in one another (the watering of the relationship so to speak) is replaced with Netflix or school events or travel sports or Tik-Tok or Facebook or Instagram…or all of it. This world could grind a person into pulp, especially if you have been made aware (or experienced) World #2.

World #2 is a place where the value we have of ourselves is clearly placed in the front and center of our actions and it underpins choices. A place where learning about another person, truly understanding and listening, so we can absorb stories and experiences about who they are become the table stakes of living. These table stakes allow us to embrace different perspectives and provides us with understanding of another. This becomes the currency of life. A place where daily exercise, clean food, and deep sleep are the prerequisites of existence. A place where judgement, ego, guilt, shame, jealousy, and animosity are historical stories from another world. A tired time and it is no longer accepted. A place where creativity is akin to the sunrise, because it occurs every day. A place where gifts of skill vary widely and compliment the community. A place where hugs, love, care, enjoyment of activity, fearlessness, and a steady flow of abundance are everywhere.

I’ve experienced both worlds. And for reasons that would take up more words than I care to type this morning, I own the fact that I’ve chosen to spend more time in World #1 than I have in World #2. How about you? Is World #2 illusionary, utopian, or simply a fabrication of imagination?

My opinion: World #2 and World #1 aren’t that far apart, and they are separated by the simplest of gifts. Gifts that all of us carry inside ourselves. I think we’ve collectively been fed, as if we were starving animals, the notion that World #1 is reality and in order to visit World #2 you must work, persevere, grind (for 30+ years) and then “retire”, so we can experience what World #2 has to offer. And we were starving animals, so we took a bite of this philosophy and then another and another…and before we knew it, we were falsely nourished from the idea that World #1 is the prerequisite to World #2. What if that was the illusion all along?

We thought we were being nourished, with the running, the carting to and from, and the grinding, yet were we traveling farther and farther away from the World that seems more peaceful? I think World #1 is the illusion, and most seem to refer to it as reality. I am a believer that both worlds are true and I’m a believer in the power of that simple gift mentioned a few sentences ago…and that gift is choice. I’d grown tired of World #1, became openly curious about World #2, and still, found some fear while working to fully commit to the behaviors that open the door to a full-time residency in the place that I describe as World #2.

How come?

I think fear plants seeds that sound like this, “too much would change if you really embrace world #2”. “Too many people think you’re weird if you aspire for World #2.” “Your family would surely feel that you’ve lost it- if we gave up some of World #1 for World #2”. “Let’s be honest…you can’t possibly find a place that fits into the description you provided, can you?”

Funny how fear can lock the gate with what we might think is “reason”. Fear locks the gate and freedom of thought and action can open it. What could happen to our lives and to our perceived worlds if we lovingly thanked World #1 for its experiences, its teachings, and its energy and then we peacefully step into World #2?

Full circle moment- my thinking is more intense than some and it is one of my gifts. I’m grateful for the curiosity that had me explore World #2, the patience to learn while in World #1, and now I have access to the gift that all of us have access to…the power of “choice” regarding where I spend my time, my thoughts, and my actions. I’m choosing World #2.

Which world are you choosing to live in?

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring. You might even enjoy a visit to The Venue (a discussion club, for all). My books share a passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and The Venue is a weekly group discussion created to support vulnerable dialogue, learning, and teaching. Proceeds from my books are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Learn about Paperclip Thinking:  https://linktr.ee/paperclipthinking

The Venue

A friend recently said to me, “You aren’t the show…you’re the Venue.” Hearing this created a whole separate discussion between the two of us, so I’ll come back to this comment in a bit.

In December of 2016 I gave my first attempt at doing something that I’ve felt destined to do and the way I “did it” was to begin writing and speaking about a topic that is very personal to who I am as a person. I began sharing my journey, so that others who are traveling a similar path on this planet would receive a perspective that could support their journey.

A few years have passed since that decision and like many of us are prone to do…I considered my early efforts of publishing books and giving talks a failure. I was focused on an end game that didn’t align with what I wanted from this effort. See…when I have the opportunity to get into discussions about life (yours or mine), these discussions are the best minutes of my day. I’d love to have 3 or 4 of these discussions every day, because I feel that they are raw and authentic – and I grow by leaps and bounds from each of these discussions. This type of chat happens with a select group of people and they don’t happen as often as I would enjoy. Why? I think it’s partially due to the opinion that our life-system, our society, isn’t truly wired to support this kind of dialogue. If we show that vulnerability, we’re weak and if we don’t show it, we’re repressed or callous. All the while…anxiety, depression, obesity, drug and alcohol use…they’re all trending in an unhealthy way (across all age groups), so I’ve been focused on ways to expand the frequency of these discussions in my life and while all of this was swirling in my head, I took part in an “innovation strategy meeting” at work and had an idea kaboom!

My career affords me opportunities to engage in future forward planning sessions, which is a code word for: we get into Zoom rooms (#wantthisvirustogoaway) and learn about ways to innovate the services provided by my company. I was in a session with one of our consulting partners this morning and I heard this quote, “to truly innovate, you’ve got to fall in love with the problem”. Ooh – I loved that and if I’m going to innovate my desire to discuss life with others, what is the problem I am going to fall in love with? After all, I have fallen in love with a shit-ton of my problems, so this approach could be my personal salvation.

What problem do I love? I love the problem idea that becoming hyper self-aware and talking about our life’s apprehensions or challenges are generally taboo topics. I love that problem - because I want to talk about all of this stuff. I want to talk about how people can get a job if they’re miserable or unemployed. I want to talk to a sixty-year old man and support him with the understanding that he could easily have thirty plus years to go on this planet, so re-inventing himself is totally doable. I want to talk with the 13-year old girl who feels like giving up before she has even scraped the surface of how amazing her life could be. I’ll chat it up with the seventeen year-old young man trying to figure out if college makes sense or what the hell to do for a living if that illusionary yellow-bricked road doesn’t feel right, to him.  I’ll most definitely converse with the parent who feels like they are screwing everything up, yet feels compelled to keep on keeping on…all the while they’re lost. I’m down for all of those chats.

Right now – from where I sit – so many people seem to feel that all of those topics are too personal and possibly too intimate to share. Maybe that’s the actual problem I love? Converting taboo to the norm. These topics mentioned above set the stage for discussions about content that I consider to be the beauty of life and yet, we seem to be keeping it all in? How’s that working for us?

I wonder what this world could be like if people had a place where dialogue was table stakes? A place where people came to listen and to learn and to share what they think could be the solution to someone else’s challenge or to their own.  I wonder how the world would respond to a “club” that was created with Zoom meetings (#pandemic), a club where people could submit anonymous questions about what was on their minds and then they were able to listen to speakers (and share with each other) about these topics. We all talk, no one has to know who is in pain or confused, or curious and this club starts its impact on the world. As spring rolls around and the trees in Michigan come back to life, this club will begin meeting at a place… a real live place… where the furniture is comfortable, the fireplace (or bon-fires) are burning peacefully, the game tables are filled, and the butts in these seats feel comfortable enough to listen, to share, and to support each other. This club starts in Michigan and it pops up in city after city, because dialogue about the taboo becomes the norm and the norm makes us all feel so much better about our place on this planet.

As someone who has become a student of human behavior, I’m interested in a pivot. I used to think, as a Coach and Business Leader, that I was the show... “Come see me and your problems will go away”. I made an error. This isn’t true. I’m not the show, never was. You are the show and I’m simply the Venue where all of this dialogue begins and this dialogue could literally change your life.

We will come to this safe place, not an echo chamber, not a place of judgement. We come to this place to share thoughts, question beliefs, seek opinions, collect experiences, and learn and grow with each other. I’ve been fortunate to solve some of my deepest challenges while listening to others talk around a campfire, or while sitting with a friend, staring at trees (from a basement walkout) while sipping a bourbon and having dialogue.

I’m calling this place the Venue and the first discussion is going to take place in February. You’ll find details on Instagram @paperclipthinking and Facebook, so I’m hoping you’ll consider joining this innovative place for dialogue and learning.

If we all fall in love with the same problem, imagine what good we could do!

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and proceeds from these sales are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Through my publishing business, Paperclip Thinking LLC, I offer speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer Family Coaching to those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions.

Parenting Puzzle

The global pandemic has owned the headline space since March and while we continue adjusting to keeping healthy, wearing masks, embracing restrictions, and virtually embracing from six feet…one thing has not slowed down…the opportunities to parent. The parent & child relationship has been thrust into unknown territory – no one has had to parent in a global pandemic since the early 1900’s, so we’re all flying blind on this one. I have three children (incoming freshman at Michigan State University, a junior in High School, and an eighth grader), so as I reflect back on this spring/summer, we’ve continued to parent as best we can during these crazy times. Even though this pandemic hasn’t made things easy (talk track in our house starting March 12th …Child: “Can we go out?” – Parent: “No…we’re sheltering in place!”- Child: “This sucks!” – Parent: “Thanks for that input, good chat.”), it has afforded me the opportunity to reflect on so many things, and one of the things I’ve reflected on is my incessant desire to control things that just aren’t built for control. As a method to curtail my controlling nature, I like to compare my life to a river (when I let things flow it can feel effortless and when I jump off the raft and try to control the flow of the river, swimming upstream, life becomes more challenging and exhausting). The more I parent during COVID-19, I have shifted metaphors. Metaphors are my spirit animal, so bear with me on this one. Life feels like a puzzle more than a river because I feel like I’m playing a part in building something, not simply coasting down the river. I am building my own resilience, building the ability to be compassionate and this “puzzle” isn’t the kind of puzzle that gives a picture of what the puzzle is intended to look like when completed…this COVID-19 parenting puzzle is going to give you NO sign of what the end game looks like and you only receive a couple pieces per week. Our oldest graduates from Dearborn High School on Tuesday, July 14th. My wife and I will walk with him (followed closely by a minivan with his brother, sister, and grandparents) and together, and mostly six feet apart, we’ll celebrate the latest chapter of his journey or maybe I’ll begin calling graduation his next “puzzle piece”.

Immediately following graduation we’ll pivot toward his adventures at Michigan State University. Dorm rooms, social distancing, on-line class schedules, “hybrid learning”, and another set of pieces to this puzzle and we’ll do what we can to support him in building a beautiful picture.

Puzzles may take time, puzzles may feel complex, puzzles may create some frustration AND…puzzles can be rewarding, they can display a beautiful design when complete, and if they break apart, they can be rebuilt. Most importantly for me, I recognized that all of the pieces of a puzzle are different. Different curves and corners are required to finish that puzzle and it takes all of these differences in order to build something beautiful, so as a parent…I’m working to embrace the differences that my children bring to this opportunity, not control them in any way, shape, or form.

As my wife and I continue to parent our children through these unique times, let’s remember that their ideas, their perspectives, and their interests may be very different than ours, and that’s a good thing. It is the differences that can make our families such beautiful things. I can’t control what the pieces look like, I can’t control when the pieces are given to us, yet I can choose to keep a safe distance and support my children in building the best looking puzzle possible, with the pieces they are given.  

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and proceeds from these sales are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Through my publishing business, Paperclip Thinking LLC, I offer speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer Family Coaching to those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website www.paperclipthinking.com/buymybooks or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions.

Gratitude Inventory

Inventories.  We use them in our manufacturing businesses to count our product lines, school districts take inventory of their students, and sport teams take inventory of their equipment and uniforms. 

I use an inventory concept within my life’s introspection and that inventory becomes an exercise that supports my personal growth, so I wanted to share with each of you.  I inventory the time I spend exercising, the time I spend reading and writing, the time I spend being productive in my career, the time I spend with friends and family.  These are things that I want ample supply, so I inventory them to ensure my life has these facets.  Others might have different areas to inventory, because we all choose different areas of our lives that we deem to be important.  Interestingly enough, one area I haven’t paid attention to was an inventory of the gratitude I share with the world, the people around me, and the people I come in contact with.  How much gratitude do I recognize and share, daily?

What do I have in my gratitude inventory?  I went back through my experiences and thought about the different times of my life and here is a sample of what I’ve uncovered:

I’ve enjoyed my tenacity for experiences.  I’ve built a career that has added value to the clients I’ve supported and to my family.  I’ve continued my life-long education, I’ve learned to cook, to clean, to install ceiling fans, to paint, to drive.  I’ve flown all over the world, I’ve seen different countries, and there are plenty more to see.  I’ve been fortunate to learn how to love and I’ve learned the experiences of nature, talking to trees, watching the life cycle of a lake’s wave, and I’ve been blessed to write poetry, stories, and a book.  I’ve coached and inspired other people.  I’ve experienced wealth and financial despair.  I’ve experienced healthy and unhealthy physical intimacy. I’ve had light and darkness.  I’ve learned to listen (although I still talk too much) and I’m learning how to ask great questions that lead to great dialogue.

And this gratitude inventory led me to remember the most critical piece of my life, which is the ability to love myself, and this is reinforced through this exercise, daily.  Remember to have (dialogue) because it creates (connection), which leads to (opportunities) for amazing (experiences).  Your life’s gratitude inventory could lead to some amazing experiences- I hope you’ll try it.

Whole

We all begin this journey whole.

The experiences begin do we dismantle to learn?

To Yearn.

To Grow.

Piece by Piece dismantle can feel destructive…

Is it?

We are whole the entirety of our lives.

Never pieces always whole.

We’re always enough yet the masks we’ve chosen to wear separate.

Separate us from who we are.

Our wholeness is not far.

The more we connect.

Ask and share.

Dialogue’s a way to eliminate our despair.

Remember the awe the gratitude for all.

We are whole, we are enough.

Please stand tall.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

What is your "one thing"...

My wife and I have three children.  Our oldest is a senior in high school and we’ve just kicked off the new school year. It already feels like the world is spinning too damn fast and the insane part about this senior year experience is how nothing has really changed, but everything feels different.  We’ve been through freshman, sophomore, and junior year, so we (his Mom and I) have witnessed all of this stuff before: tennis matches; homecoming dances; swim meets; golf matches; time with friends; band parties; work shifts; leaving his shit around the house; and yet all of it feels different because these are the last times we’ll get to see these things from the vantage point of being his high school parents.  Exciting and saddening simultaneously. 

Through the summer and into the start of this school year, I could see his wheels turning too: where will I go to school; what will I do for work; is this Common App thing going to be a pain in the ass; where will I live; how many hours do senior pictures take… and then, last weekend, he asked us for perspective on something a bit deeper.  He wanted to know why he hadn’t found his “one thing”.  I thought I understood what he meant when he asked, but I had to ask for some more clarity.  It was early evening on a Sunday night, so as much as I enjoy a good esoteric talk, I wanted to make sure I was going to be able to support what he was looking for and not take us into the wee hours.  What he shared hit home.  He expressed feeling like he was missing out on some of life because he hadn’t identified something that inspired him, fully.  Something that triggered a desire to place all of his passion and energy into it.  He went on about how he was feeling and I loved that he took my wife and me down this path.  The question saddened me a bit, especially because he was feeling that he was lacking in life because he didn’t have “one thing” to throw all of his life’s energy at.  He rattled off a bunch of friends who he assumed had their “one thing” and this assumption was powering his outlook.  What caused it?

It’s talked about often – the societal pressure that kids face today – and I think it’s totally different (and more intensified) than my Generation X cronies ever experienced.  The idea of finding this “one thing” can be painful.  And…with some wisdom behind me, I think to myself, “who wants to find one thing anyway?”  Our world is made up of diversity (we look for diversity in school, at work, in our day to day lives – you know, that well rounded person and those differing opinions that make us unique, but somehow, we have shoved the idea that kids must excel at “one thing” and find their passion by the time they graduate high school?  I call bullshit.  One sport athletes, kids being asked to choose their major before they even go off to college, asking what they want to do for a living (at 17).  It all seems so crazy to me, so very real to him.

As a side note: outside my parenting, husbanding, and occasional “adulting” duties, I am a recruiting executive, a coach, and an author.  I live by, coach, write about, and share principles that I call Paperclip Thinking.  This thinking is a way that triggers the brain to be more divergent in thought and the principles – self valuation, personal accountability, introspection, divergent thought, intentional living – have supported me in opening up the way I make decisions and process deep questions.  When I think about various topics I enjoy finding multiple solutions to a perceived challenge and as easy as it can be to get trapped in believing that there is only one right answer to a challenge, I use the following phrase as a way to open up my mind and identify more options.  The phrase, “How many ways could we…” does just that.  It challenges me to start building lists of possibilities.  Let’s apply this Paperclip Thinking to the “one thing” scenario...How many ways could you appreciate the diversity of your life’s many activities?  How many ways could tons of experiences add value in your life?  How many ways could you choose a profession/activity that inspires you?  Start writing and create lists that answer the questions you’ve posed to yourself.  I believe the answers will come from the lists of possibilities.

Now here is something else to think about.  Are we coaching our children to find “one thing”?  Are we inadvertently guiding them to throw all of their energy into one sport, one activity, or one club?  Could this be a recipe for pain and pressure?  Personal introspection moment…did my wife and I teach our son that he was lacking in life because he didn’t have “one thing”?  Maybe.  And if so, could we unwind this thinking before the sun rises on Monday morning?  Eh – maybe not.  I do know this.  I love learning from my son.  He teaches us as much and as often as we teach him.  His question made us think.  I, for one, have read a number of stories, watched documentaries, and have spoken to parents about this topic.  It seems there are fewer kids sampling life.  Could there really be a larger numbers of kids no longer bouncing from season to season, playing different sports, joining different clubs, interacting with different people, and sampling life?  They seem to be training, planning and preparing to do their “one thing” and I feel like this might be setting them up for a bubble that is destined to burst.

To my son…if “one thing” is the popular thing now…maybe your “one thing” could be the fact that you are exploring so many things.  You are sampling and for that…we are excited for you.  Keep it up, my man.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

This doesn't have to be the norm...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

Anxiety and Depression are way too mainstream for my liking.  Like millions of others, my first bout of anxiety started in 7th grade and it took years of suppression for that subtle anxiety to become a real problem, which led to a “break down” when I was 26 years old.  I spent the subsequent 21 years reading, writing, researching, experimenting with new behaviors, dedicating myself to remedying the anxiety and depression I lived with.  I chose to function with an anxiety pill from time to time, chose to have a few drinks, buried down feelings, reminded myself that “life is hard”, and I faced off with people who woke most mornings wondering how anyone could feel anxious or depressed and then I watched them plant their left foot in front of their right foot and keep on moving, which felt impossible to me.  This world is filled with all kinds of stories, all kinds of remedies, and I am intrigued by all of them.

I am in a different place now.  I am more comfortable in sharing my experiences because I believe it to be one of the chief purposes I am on the planet.  My purpose being to listen and share, when needed.  A purpose to remind anyone who is feeling a bit dark, a bit confused, a bit bummed out about their place on the planet - that they are not broken and that they will always have someone to talk to, and that can be me.  I will be here to listen, I will be here to support, and I’ll be here to offer experiences and ideas that could support you in shifting the trajectory of your life.

I’ve made this offer to some in my community and the people taking me up on the offer: to chat; to dialogue; to learn; are middle-schoolers, high-schoolers, and newly graduated college students.  So many young people who describe anxiety and depression as “totally normal”.  I used to believe the stereotypes that it was only the “middle aged” or the newly unemployed who faced these challenges (and was typically remedied with a “rub some dirt on it” mentality), but as you read and listen to the reports, the stories, and see the behaviors…this is officially “the norm” for so many of our children.  Let’s work to stop this.

If you know someone struggling, I’m letting you know that I’ve been there, I’ve begun to see a way more peaceful way of living and I am here to listen.  Change will take discipline, courage, and it takes vulnerability, so if you want to explore a new way of thinking and behaving…I’m here. 

Is it worth living...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

Is it worth living?  How would you answer that question?  What has you say yes or no?  Each of us when faced with that question will inevitably have some kind of perspective.  Those perspectives might be as shallow as a puddle or they could be as deep as the darkest depths of the ocean, and most will have answers that sit somewhere in the middle. I’ve spent more than 12 years answering that question and working to refine and support my answer with fresh experiences and data.  I wanted the data because my answer has changed over the years.  Yes- I’ve lived through periods (like so many have) where the idea of an “early exit” seemed plausible and I’m blessed to say that I’ve reflected back and share that 75% of my life has been filled with poetic reasons that support me in wanting to live and to explore and to learn on this planet. As one of my favorite philosophers, Osho, said, “never born-never died…just visited from 1972-?”.

The 2008-2018 time of my life was filled with intense learning due to a self-reflective project that was focused on my own personal accountability for choosing happiness and life over depression, anxiety, and early death.  I captured and journaled about experiences and my learning and I share my transition from dark to light with those who are interested in some change, themselves.

As a culmination of this project, I did something incredibly courageous… I wrote a letter to my family describing what led me to my depression and to the idea of “early death”.  I wrote this letter on September 19, 2018 and it was the first time I’d shared the explicit detail on paper.  I’ve read the letter to my wife and as a therapeutic way to gain closure on my “project” and as a way to open a new door of peace and happiness in my life. I made an agreement to live for a year working and living by the very principles that I discovered during my ten year project and I’ve been writing and exploring how I feel: mentally, physically, and spiritually. I wanted to see what life would feel like when someone practiced the principles that took me ten years to discover and refine. I’m following the five pillars of the Paperclip Thinking philosophy: I’m living life aligned to what I value of myself (being rested, being a story teller, being healthy, being a connector of people, and coaching those who request support), I hold myself accountable for all decisions I make, I reflect daily (through my journalism), I work to create value daily, and I’m intentional with how I live, each day. 

Here is what the last year taught me:

I’ve learned that it is nearly impossible to feel inspired if you only think about challenges in life.  Taking time to be vulnerable (with yourself and others) can be a good thing, yet only focusing that vulnerability on areas of improvement or negativity will crush your ability to smile.  In short- don’t be too hard on yourself.

I’ve learned that all things we experience will pass.  All of your decisions (and their consequences) will work out to be okay and nothing can impact your ability to choose peace and happiness, but you.  Your spirit will remain intently focused on harmony regardless of what you are experiencing, if you choose harmony and we get to choose, every day.

I’ve learned that I have placed money as the center gear of my life and I placed my happiness on the shoulders of that “money”.  I don’t recommend doing that.  Money is fun to have, it can make life’s journey easier, so I’m not advocating against having money, I’m simply suggesting that I had been working in reverse (do what I needed to do to get it), and I learned that if you focus on finding a way to earn the money through creating value for someone else (not doing anything necessary), doing something that inspires you…that is where special shit occurs (and that is what I do for a living now), so if you don’t feel aligned, call me and I’ll guide you through ways to get to the spot where I now sit.

I’ve learned that we are all part of a very special group - and there are so many fascinating stories, learnings, and experiences that you can gain when you spend time connecting with people, so please connect with as many people as you can.

I’ve learned that dialogue leads to connections, connections lead to opportunities and opportunities lead to partnerships - and this has become my mantra for living.

I’ve learned that this life if for YOU.  If you are in a dark place- that’s okay, because you aren’t alone.  Spark a torch – and you can spark that torch with dialogue and vulnerability.  Use that torch’s light to show you a different perspective on what you are going through and then remember the previous learnings I’ve shared in this article: don’t be too hard on yourself, all things will pass, focus on what inspires you, and connect with people.

Cheers to you and your journey…

Life's center gear...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to light and peaceful.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

It’s June in Michigan, which is one of my favorite times of the year.  The leaves have returned to the trees, the grass is as green as it will be all year, the flowers are blooming, the day time temperatures are in the low 70’s and the evenings require a sweatshirt.  Vacations have been scheduled, another school year is wrapping, and I can’t help but notice how each of these pieces fit together like a watch and its gears.  If you have seen the internal workings of a clock or watch, you might agree that it is quite a beautiful dance.  The gears spin, turning each other, and consequently moving the hands that share our perception of time with the world.  Each watch has a center gear, much like cars have a power train, or bikes have their crank shaft.  These “center gears” all receive energy and then they use that energy to turn everything around them.  As long as that center gear is in aligned and working, time seems to spin effortlessly.

Now…one wrong twist of that center gear and everything risks being thrown into chaos.

I like to compare my life to the nature that I live in and the watch I referenced above.  Our planet has its own center gear and it turns the tides, the seasons, and literally spins our planet around and around.  Our lives have a center gear, too, and it is my opinion that these center gears are critical to one’s ability to experience peace, productivity, opulence, wealth, and an overall happiness.

What is that part of you that you might consider the center gear? And…how many other gears does your center gear turn?  I have a work gear, a parenting gear, a philosophical gear, and an “out in nature gear”.  I have an exercise gear, a writing gear, a spouse gear, a relationship gear – and that about sums up what makes me tick.  Each one of these gears represents a facet of my life, so what turns all of my gears?  My center gear is my relationship gear, soulful connections as I like to call them.  If I am surrounded by soulful relationships, those types of relationships where conversations flow effortlessly, the topics of discussion are wide and varied, and the relationships are loose and free – then my other gears: work, exercise, parenting, etc. all seem to flow and produce amazing results.  If I don’t work on my relationships and choose wisely with whom I am spending my time, then life gets a little crazy.

If I choose to surround myself with unhealthy relationships, everything runs the risk of falling out of place.  How does your center gear affect your life?  Ponder on it, note those gears, and ensure you take care of that center gear, because it will support your life being aligned to the core of who you are and that is more powerful than most of us realize.

Cheers to all of you and your continued journeys…

Why I choose to tell you these things...

It’s been six months since the launch of my first book, “Happiness is Over There” – and you can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery. 

As I complete my 11th year of intense study, writing, workshops, reading, and coaching on the topics of self-improvement, introspection, vulnerability, dialogue, and mindfulness, I’ve had a handful of earth shaking epiphanies and the most recent one deals with vulnerability, over-sharing, and superiority.

The further I go into my own personal search for meaning I’ve recognized that I’ve had moments of total superiority – the belief that my opinions, my studies, my perspectives are RIGHT and everyone else (who isn’t in full support of me) is WRONG.  This debate of right vs. wrong does me no good (and it does no good for anyone around me). This belief led to frustration, arguments, and other negatives that I don’t want in my life, anymore.

I believe that I’m on this planet to have fun, enjoy the journey, meet new people, share and receive love, and to learn as much as I can from those around me.  In the event that some of my experiences could add value to someone else, I’ll share (when I’m asked). The when I’m asked portion of that last sentence is the new change, for me.

How will they know to ask?  They’ll see the way I’m living and grow curious.  See…If I’m not living peacefully then my stories and thoughts on these topics are just that – stories.  If I’m not listening for other perspectives, loving the people who are sharing them, and willing to support true dialogue – then I’m not in a place that is healthy, for me.

I want to be peacefully quiet, which has been a challenge for most of my life.  Making statements to prove my worth or to garner appreciation & attention only led me to isolation.  True joy occurs when I engage in the learning of others and this fuels my personal belief that peace and productivity are derivatives of vulnerability and sharing (crucial is being able to indirectly share through action: when your actions elicit the questions that spark the vulnerable dialogue).  As a good friend shares with me, often, “It’s so much more powerful to see a sermon than hear one.”

Cheers to all of you and your journeys, whatever they may hold.  A poem from me to you:

Why do I choose to tell you these things?

Something went dark years ago…

The belief in myself, it melted like snow.

What was left after the melt had begun…

An ego with depths like a majestic canyon.

I’ve explored those depths and realized this…

The journey I’m on is for me, my gift.

To squander this gift – its love and peace - because of words like right or wrong…

Is but ego’s attempt to live above ground.

You ask why I choose to tell you all of these things?

It’s to support YOU someday, when you too, choose your wings.

TFurlow

Cheeseburgers and Coaching

If you were heading out for a quick dinner and couldn’t decide on what you wanted to eat and you stumbled across a small dive bar, which advertised a killer cheeseburger, what would you do?  I know what I would do…my curiosity (and Pavlovian response) would be raised and I would find myself trying something that I hadn’t expected to try when I left my house on the quest for dinner.

I pop into the bar, grab a seat and notice that everyone is eating burgers, so “when in Rome” is applied, and I would decide to indulge the house specialty, “the burger”.  One bite and I soon realize that this is the most delicious ½ pound, mac and cheese covered, bacon infused, grilled bun heaven that you have ever consumed.  After dinner, I might bump into some friends and what would kick off the small talk? That burger!  I would want to tell everyone about this culinary creation, wouldn’t you? 

This burger experience is my attempt at metaphorically discussing how I feel about coaching.  Coaching and cheeseburgers!  Coaching, to me, is akin to the most delicious cheeseburger I’ve ever consumed and I want people to know how much fun I had with it.  This doesn’t mean you will enjoy it as much as I did (and that’s cool), or you might not frequent that burger bar as regularly as I might (that’s cool, too), but nonetheless, I want to share how delicious that burger was, just like I want to share what coaching’s impact, has been, on me.

As I continue to grow, as a coach, I recognize that I get really excited about what I’ve been working on and am so inspired by what I’ve experienced that I have fallen prey to crossing the “preachy” line with respect to my coaching.  I’m asking the universe for a “do over” and I’m resetting my intention to be very simple- I intend to share one person’s story, mine, so anyone who has curiosity about personal perspective changes, they will have access to the information I’ve been blessed to garner.  And if coaching isn't right for someone, that's cool by me, too.

I began my coaching journey in 2008, and I’ve been documenting and defining my experiences, distilling them into a series of principles that supported me and they are now the cornerstone of what I share with others. 

What I learned, embraced, and now live by, were experiences, exercises, and discussions that were intended to be shared and they were passed from my coach to me and from her coach to her, so I’d like to keep this sharing alive and pass some of my experiences and principles to others who might have curiosity.  Back to the burger for a minute-  I didn’t make that burger, but I loved the experience, so I share and I didn’t make these principles, but I love them and the experiences they’ve afforded, so I share.

The belief systems and some of the exercises that tie to the principles of the coaching, have been around for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and they will be around for hundreds and thousands of years, to come.  I feel fortunate to have been introduced to them and I have applied these principles to support being more peaceful, more mindful, healthier, more compassionate, and more loving with those I encounter.

My engagement with my children has increased, I’ve been able to succinctly define what I value of myself (and how those values could support others), I have a deeper connection with my wife, the elimination of personal financial debt became a reality, and I’ve re-ignited my health and physical well-being.  I’ve noticed a deeper mindfulness through daily meditation and an increase in the quality of my sleep.  I’m enjoying the lens I use to view life and I’m wondering if these results could add value to others, too? 

I’ve included a snapshot of the principles I coach and support:

• ·         The Want Wheel- defining what we value of ourselves and aligning those values into adding value for others.
• ·         Keeping a Clean Front Porch- embracing personal accountability, so that accountability can translate into powerful choices & agreements.
• ·         Looking in the Mirror- engaging vulnerability and introspection to deepen relationships.
• ·         Thinking Like a 5 year Old - creativity & innovation exercises for productivity and wellness.
• ·         Power Intentions – building and recognizing intentions that support the manifestation of your wants.

If you are curious (or hungry)- don’t be a stranger!  #trytheburger