What have you seen (in the midst of a pandemic)?

We’ve been under “shelter in place” since March 12, 2020, so for 9 weeks I’ve been writing in my journal about this experience and working to document and articulate what was happening in the world around me. How was this impacting me? My family? Those I have closest access to?  In total, I created 22 journal entries – some were long and emotional – some were short and sweet – all of them fell into the bucket of “unprecedented”.

This pandemic is an experience that none of us planned for and similar to many of the unforeseen experiences of life, they tend to sneak up and then Tsunami like…they are “everywhere” – news channels, social media, school announcements, emails…everywhere! My reality through this experience was (and is) tied to my perceptions and perspectives, so from my perspective, I was able to find some beauty within this whirlwind. Please don’t misinterpret what I’m saying…It wasn’t constant beauty. I had a family member impacted by this virus, I knew people who lost family members due to this virus, and I’m sure everyone knows someone who is now unemployed because of this virus. None of this would be fair to label as beauty, yet, through all of this- I still saw (and see) beauty. Our adventure on this planet took a turn. These moments, these experiences, these highs and lows…this is the present (and I’m choosing to live here and now).

What did I see?  Where was this beauty? To start – I reconnected to something very deep and very spiritual. That inspiration led to the creation of two characters (Mumma & Little One) for the book, “They All Went Inside”, and this story is in the hands of hundreds of people now and it tells one perspective about this pandemic and I’m hoping to have it in as many hands as possible. Hands willing and able to listen and consider these characters teachings.

Then - my wife and I worked on our house and our finances… we re-connected to the concept of needs versus wants and we shared these experiences with our children. Powerful lessons for all of us. We also mourned the loss and celebrated the life of a friend who passed during this time and my wife and I supported more teaching with our children: sharing love, and openly discussing what this experience could be like for our friends and their family. This dialogue is beauty!

I watched, read, and viewed a level of divisiveness that was also unprecedented. Topics like vaccinations, social distancing, conspiracy theories, political support, economic recovery, viral disaster planning, executive orders, free speech, and immune systems took on a life of their own and brought out, from my perspective, some of the worst of our human condition. Through this madness, our family continued to have dialogue about these topics and that was something that hadn’t been happening in my family (as frequently) pre-COVID. Again, more beauty.

I look forward to Michigan and the rest of the U.S. reopening, moving forward, and healing. I ask everyone to consider remaining in your heart during these times. Remain close to the things you love, the places you love, the people you love. Don’t allow the hustle and bustle to resume, unfettered, and allow this experience to become a distant memory. I pray to the God I believe in, the God who inspires me, that we all remember the power of dialogue: truly seeking to understand another’s perspective and using that perspective to learn and to grow (even if it means we completely disagree with the person we’re learning from).

These are the experiences that I considered beautiful during a global pandemic. If you’re willing, please share what you learned in the comments section, so I might be able to gather additional perspectives from those of you who see the world differently.

Love to all of you- Travis

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and proceeds from these sales are donated to The Amity Foundation of Dearborn and The Manistee County Child Advocacy Center (both care for families in need). Through my publishing business, Paperclip Thinking LLC, I offer speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer Career and Family Coaching to those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com with any questions.

Surrender is an interesting word...isn't it?

I thought 2008 – in the midst of a global recession - was going to shape up to be one of the most challenging times of my life (present and future). After all – millions of homes were going into foreclosure, people lost work, banks were being bailed out, and the stock market was in tough shape. It was a nightmare (or so I thought).

Flash forward to 2020 and perspectives change. I will always remember: COVID-19, pandemic, case counts, death counts, shelter in place, essential services, businesses closed, 25 million people out of work, an economy in a free fall, and a government that was built on ego and looking good – trying their best to navigate a country through the midst of this unprecedented time.

Now might be an odd time to bring up the word surrender, but I like odd, so here we go. And…before the traditional definition of the word “surrender” has you twist into using phrases like, “snowflake”, “weak”, or “giving up”, please read on with an open mind and heart.

I was conditioned to believe that surrender is a form of weakness. I didn’t surrender on the field of competition, I didn’t surrender to depression, I didn’t surrender to financial collapse, I have friends who have served honorably in the military and they might say they didn’t surrender on the field of battle, and if you surrender in the corporate world, your career might be in jeopardy. It’s easy to see how using the word surrender could have a negative connotation.

Every year I create a new journal.  A standing Christmas gift from my Mother and Father. Same style, same logo stamped on the lower right corner (the year and my initials) and during the first week of January I write an intention for the year.  I use this exercise as a way to manifest the good and the beauty and the abundance for the upcoming year that I intend for the universe to provide.

This year’s intention: January 2020 – “A year rooted in becoming a listener, fully focused on understanding.  A year rooted in un-inviting fear (not welcome here) and a year rooted in honesty.  The beginning of a full surrender to the peace of life and to the roll I play on this planet, and to the God I believe in and all of the energy and love he has created for us.”

As I wrote this intention, I used the term surrender without thinking about the broader meaning. I reflect on it almost every day, and as I reflected on it this morning- I could not have imagined how perfectly aligned it is, for me, during this time. I have a new belief that surrender is about letting go, not giving up. It’s letting go of expectations, preconceived plans, and the fear that can come during change. Surrendering to my faith and to the faith of the people of this world. Surrendering to the belief that we do have the ability to grow from this, to learn from this, and to prosper in this new normal. This time has reinforced my love and faith in so many areas.  I’m surrendering to the peace of life, whatever that may look like. Surrender isn’t for the weak – it’s a way to embrace peace. 

I invite you to consider and I send Love to all of you.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy one of my books, “Happiness is Over There” or “They All Went Inside” – both share stories that readers have deemed…inspiring.  Both books share my passion for love, creative thought, introspection, and personal accountability (in very different ways) and through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I provide speaking engagements on these topics and in select situations, I offer group or individual sessions for those interested in becoming Paperclip Thinkers. You can buy books through my website  www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up speaking engagements or in-person & on-line sessions.

The beauty that isn't easily seen...

March 19, 2020

To my oldest child, Braeden, I’d like to share this with you - specifically you.  I’ve posted the article for others to see and read, although I’m writing this as if it were you and me and only you and me.  We are starting week 2 of “social distancing” and I know you’re pissed.  Aren’t all of us in some way, shape, or form?

It is one of the best clichés…”you never know what life holds”.  Well, let’s start with this – I never knew that we would be working from home together for a month (maybe more) and that our evenings would be filled with discussions about what “really” constitutes breaking the social distancing practice that we are currently applying in our lives.

I never knew that toilet paper, paper towels, chicken breasts, bread, and bottles of water would become the hot topic of the 2020 spring break season.  I never knew how much I enjoyed popping out to a movie theater to see a quick flick.  I never realized how much I could miss a 6am workout with some incredibly fun and engaging people, and I never knew how blessed we really are, until I read article after article about kids without breakfast and lunch, thousands of sick people, media coverage that is relentless in its inadvertent attempts to scare the shit out of everyone.  The cliché has come to life, “we never knew what life holds”, did we?

You and your classmates (around the world) who are scheduled to graduate from high school this spring/summer are facing an unprecedented time (at least over the last 100 years) and living in a time of uncertainty and fragility could make many people crumble, but not you.  I see you each day…so many of you and your friends – getting up, doing your thing, talking to each other, riding that mountain bike, walking that dog, Tik Tok (and more Tik Tok), crunching that homework, and through all of this you are growing and that growing is the beauty that you can’t see.  You began asking about building tables, buying lumber, and working with your hands.  You have found ways to get outside, safely, and maintain your energy and you are maintaining your focus through the most distracting of times.

You (and so many of your age-mates) have the right to choose to be pissed about what is happening.  You have the right to be frustrated and dismayed about this pandemic we face.  What’s pretty astonishing to me… through all of this – you’ve asked me how I’m doing more that I’ve asked you?  Ironic, right?  In a world where it’s assumed that the parent is to be looking after the child, I’ve experienced you looking after us.  I can see a confidence in your stance and through your behaviors, I’m feeling stronger and stronger that we are all going to be okay through this “hiccup”.  I trust in our friends, our family, our country, and in you and your generation.  We will most definitely experience an impact from all of this shit, and one thing that lays comfortably around me…you are strong (and so are all of you in the class of 2020).  Tears, emotions, shortness with your friends and family (all normal), because you are human and this is not easy or comfortable.  To the graduating class of COVID-19, let life throw its futile attempt at kicking you down.  You’re already showing all of us what it means to be resilient and that, too, is beauty that can’t be easily be seen.

Thank you, Braeden.  I love you.  Now…let’s plan for that exciting day when you can go back to school and get out of the damn house, so I can have my office room back! J

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Story #2 (2020) - Feeling Broken

I share through my writing because I’m interested in finding people who enjoy sharing and learning.  The people who get called “They”…you know those people.  “They” say it’s a good idea or “They” say it’s not.  “They” will say that one who is interested in writing or speaking or guiding would benefit from writing, speaking, and guiding about something they know, something that inspires them.

My inspiration- eradicating the belief that anyone of us is “broken”.  Eradicating the anxiety, fear, and depression that are the traditional byproducts of the “broken” mindset.  I know that all-consuming fear that comes from feeling broken – and I’m sure a bunch of you know it too.  It may appear odd that “feeling broken” has turned into an inspiration.  Yes- coming from a man who spends hours each week exploring reasons that had me feel broken led me into a deeper search for understanding.  What I learned as I practiced ways to shift my mindset was this: the most effective way, for me, out of that place was through that place.  Passing through that state of mind started with sharing and dialogue.  Sharing articles, book talks, coaching and sharing with high school kids are the ways I sparked more dialogue (and it was super therapeutic).  The sharing did something for me and for those receiving the sharing - it created more curiosity.  I noticed that questions began coming to me (from the most unlikely people).  People made statements about their lives and taught me about how they were feeling.  They shared what had them feeling this sense of “broken”, and these talks were inspirational.  Energy begets energy and that would mean sharing begets sharing.  More and more sharing (with hundreds of people) and the topics were bad-ass: anxiety, careers, relationships, parenting, depression, money…we kept sharing and the more we shared the more I learned and the less broken I felt.  I want to share more and I want to learn more- who’s in?

We have all heard phrases like, toughen-up, buck-up, man-up, or woman-up.  What if we dialogued-up?  I’m gathering data that suggests that the lives we choose were meant to be appreciated as the ultimate adventure in learning and too many of us are riddled with the fear and anxiety that comes from feeling broken and that is preventing us from learning and growing, so I’d like to dialogue more (with all of you).  Get a group together and we can all chat.  If you want to share 1:1, we can meet for coffee or a drink or a dinner and the discussions can be rooted in sharing, teaching, learning- that’s true dialogue.  That feeling of “being broken” is a lie that I told myself and then I did the most damaging thing imaginable, I believed the lie- the lie of lack, the lie of not being “enough”.  Please don’t do that to yourself.  If you haven’t done that- excellent, yet share with me anyway because I want to learn how you prevented buying into that garbage lie I’d told myself.  If you do feel a bit busted up or confused about life’s journey- excellent, share with me, so we can work together and remind each other that life has all kinds of fun waiting for us to explore.  Does anyone know someone who might benefit from some sharing and some learning?  I believe you are out there.  I’d enjoy learning from you. 

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Story #1 (2020)- A recipe I've chosen

Story #1 – A recipe I’ve chosen (January 22, 2020)

Slow down, simplify, and make decisions rooted in peace and enjoyment.  Look for a partner who is interested in a similar path.  Treat the body with love and respect and treat the mind just the same.  Forgive ill decisions of the past and remain focused on doing and being the very things you enjoy.  When fear approaches, learn from it, please don’t run from it.  Fear can be an amazing teacher in such an indirect way.  Align to those who inspire you and ensure that you work to inspire others on a daily basis.  Inspiration can come in the smallest of gestures, so please don’t feel the need to be grand with your inspiration, after all, inspiration will spread and grow, so even the smallest of acts will become monumental over the long term.  Love all of the people you encounter.  You don’t have to agree with everyone, you don’t have to enjoy everyone, yet we can LOVE everyone.  Be respectful of money, have fun with it, don’t be a slave to it or allow it a place on any type of mental pedestal.  Ask questions of people, learn how they move through this visit on earth.  See places that are different from your daily routine.  They don’t have to be faraway lands, they could be the park you’ve never visited, the neighborhood you’ve never explored.  Continue to (or start) enjoying each moment for what it was intended for – growth & love.  Be the storyteller you want to be.  Connect with more people and share the recipes that you have collected that make life inspiring and fun versus anxiety filled and frustrating.  We are all on the planet, together, and sharing could impact so many people.  Embrace the masses and fear not the judgement that may come.  It’s okay for those to judge and those judging may be hurting too, which is a powerful reason to choose to see them through God’s eyes.  Love.  Be close to God, to his energy, to his peace.  Talk to him, he’ll talk back in the most beautiful ways.  Know that our lives were chosen, so there is nothing to be concerned about.  Love, listen, learn, play, repeat.

This is my recipe for 2020 and beyond.  What’s yours?

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

47 Years

47 Years

I’m smiling as I reflect back on the year.  I turned 47 on November 29th and as I pen this on December 3rd - I can say without caveat that this has been the most trans-formative year of my life.  Here is what has me say that:

1.       I’m no longer interested in pushing people to be someone or something that they aren’t.  I’ve done that for a long time and it only creates pain.  If something works for me and my joy, great, if it doesn’t – that’s okay.  It’s okay because I’ve embraced the idea that we can always accept, change, or leave any given situation and that is true freedom.  These three inevitability make this adventure on earth more peaceful. So much more peaceful than living the illusion that we can force people or things into a different behavioral state.  I’ve stopped trying to do this and it is making my life infinitely more serene.

2.       I’m here by choice.  I’m here to influence, learn, support, love, care, create, and not every day do I embrace all of these states of being, yet I accept them as truth, so embracing them and living with the choice I’ve made to be here, has me peaceful.

3.       My kids, my wife, my friends, family, strangers, and everyone else…is on their own journey and path, so I’m respecting these paths and the behaviors of the people on them.  I continue to work to retire emotions like anger, hostility, jealousy, judgement, or regret.  Again – noting that we all have a journey, anything that would cause these negative emotions probably comes from believing something someone said or did as a personal attack on me, and that is no longer a belief system I’m interested in embracing.  Compassion for everyone and that compassion, is freedom.

4.       I love everyone.  I love them in a way I know, a way that is quiet to some, loud to others, although it is always love.

5.       I have accepted that fear exists in me, on this planet, and with each of you – I’ve simply decided to no longer agree with what it is telling me.  Fear wanted me to leave the planet early, fear had me want to stop writing work like this, and fear had me believing that I wasn’t enough.  I’m no longer interested in what fear has to say.  I’ll pay attention when it rears its head, I just don’t believe its message, anymore.  This practice has created so many new opportunities, growth moments, experiences, friendships, connections- and that is enough for me.

6.       I am doing things that I love doing and I’m no longer labeling them in ways I used to: I don’t have to start a bakery to be a baker.  I don’t have to launch a food truck business to enjoy cooking.  I don’t have to publish another book to be a writer.  I don’t have to starve myself to be healthy.  I don’t have to gorge on whatever I choose because I miss a day at the gym.  If you love to write, then I invite you to write.  If you love to cook, then I invite you to cook.  My work no longer is a separate piece of my life, I chose work that enjoys each of these parts of me, and so I invite you to find the same type of peace.

7.       I’ve connected with God, Jesus, and so many other amazing souls through the Universe.  I’m listening with them, to them, and this lost art, which all of us have access to, has been reignited through a dear friend and spiritual healer to whom I will be eternally grateful.  Vibrations of energy, healing, health, transition, listening – these are all areas of my life that have been deeply solidified through my discussions with the souls in our universe who are ready to teach us as soon as we are ready to listen.

8.       I have forgiven myself for the judgement I have placed on so many people. No judgement is needed.  I believe that I have chosen to be with the people I encounter on a daily basis and if I respect their journey, then no judgement is needed AND…I forgive myself for imparting that judgement, because I am so very sorry for be judgmental in the first place.

9.       I’m ready for more transition – I’m preparing each day to have as much fun and joy on this planet as I can.  I’m preparing to become a student of listening to understand (something I have NOT been practicing for the bulk of my time on this planet) and through this listening I’m excited about what I’m going to learn and from who I will learn.

10.   I share openly.  I share in a way that is not intended to change the listener or the reader, instead…it is sharing as an invitation to embrace what I’ve been blessed to learn and if it can add value into someone’s life, they’ll choose it when ready.

11.   I love myself.  It sounds funny when I read it back.  I love me, because I am love, we are all love, which is why I love you and I will be love long after this body has served its travel purpose on earth.  I love all of you and I do look forward to a day and time when all of us embrace this same sentiment – life is so much more fun with lots o’ love.

These are the reasons that this year has been so powerful, for me.  As everything grows and expands – I’m open arms and open soul for what growth and new experiences I’ll embrace in 2020.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Your words...My Pen

Your Words…My Pen

I listen for you – I’m asking more questions.

Looking to learn and break from attention.

Your words were quiet and I hid from their meaning…

They’re always your words- I’m finally listening.

Listening for you and your guidance from heaven- my pen will transcribe, this is a given.

Thank you for words of love and perspective- I’m sharing with all… so more might listen.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

It's Happening...

It’s Happening

The Happening is real, it’s love and it’s true.

It’s a Happening of energy radiant and blue.

It is all around us, all the time.

Can we choose to sit for just a moment and appreciate the power of the design?

So much power in the pieces that fit…

So much to learn while we rest, while we sit.

This visit to earth is purely adventure.

It ‘s opportunity to learn and that starts with surrender…

Some learning we accept, other learning we burn.

We burn this learning with our neglect to choose.

When will we learn that there’s nothing to lose?

We learn when we’re free, when we embrace our core.

Always choose love- always choose more.

See…this life is a visit, a ride, and a process…

This happening occurs every day…it is love all around us.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Love Ourselves...

Love Ourselves

It’s the best thing to do when paths confuse.

To love ourselves can heal abuse.

The abuse we’ve experienced, chosen, selected, endured.

To love ourselves in truly the cure.

Our lives are made to feel complex and twisted.

They are neither of those things, why have we made them conflicted?

Have we made them through fear and concerns about others.

Friends, spouses, fathers…mothers.

Do we push away experiences and desires?

Then blame our pain and fear on others?

Soon we’ll learn to embrace our journey.

To smile each day and to learn from many.

Being quiet in mind and listening to learn.

These are the paths that truly warrant the yearn.

A yearn to grow, here and above.

The secret that was absent, maybe avoided…

Was our choice to “be” Love?

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

Gratitude Inventory

Inventories.  We use them in our manufacturing businesses to count our product lines, school districts take inventory of their students, and sport teams take inventory of their equipment and uniforms. 

I use an inventory concept within my life’s introspection and that inventory becomes an exercise that supports my personal growth, so I wanted to share with each of you.  I inventory the time I spend exercising, the time I spend reading and writing, the time I spend being productive in my career, the time I spend with friends and family.  These are things that I want ample supply, so I inventory them to ensure my life has these facets.  Others might have different areas to inventory, because we all choose different areas of our lives that we deem to be important.  Interestingly enough, one area I haven’t paid attention to was an inventory of the gratitude I share with the world, the people around me, and the people I come in contact with.  How much gratitude do I recognize and share, daily?

What do I have in my gratitude inventory?  I went back through my experiences and thought about the different times of my life and here is a sample of what I’ve uncovered:

I’ve enjoyed my tenacity for experiences.  I’ve built a career that has added value to the clients I’ve supported and to my family.  I’ve continued my life-long education, I’ve learned to cook, to clean, to install ceiling fans, to paint, to drive.  I’ve flown all over the world, I’ve seen different countries, and there are plenty more to see.  I’ve been fortunate to learn how to love and I’ve learned the experiences of nature, talking to trees, watching the life cycle of a lake’s wave, and I’ve been blessed to write poetry, stories, and a book.  I’ve coached and inspired other people.  I’ve experienced wealth and financial despair.  I’ve experienced healthy and unhealthy physical intimacy. I’ve had light and darkness.  I’ve learned to listen (although I still talk too much) and I’m learning how to ask great questions that lead to great dialogue.

And this gratitude inventory led me to remember the most critical piece of my life, which is the ability to love myself, and this is reinforced through this exercise, daily.  Remember to have (dialogue) because it creates (connection), which leads to (opportunities) for amazing (experiences).  Your life’s gratitude inventory could lead to some amazing experiences- I hope you’ll try it.

Whole

We all begin this journey whole.

The experiences begin do we dismantle to learn?

To Yearn.

To Grow.

Piece by Piece dismantle can feel destructive…

Is it?

We are whole the entirety of our lives.

Never pieces always whole.

We’re always enough yet the masks we’ve chosen to wear separate.

Separate us from who we are.

Our wholeness is not far.

The more we connect.

Ask and share.

Dialogue’s a way to eliminate our despair.

Remember the awe the gratitude for all.

We are whole, we are enough.

Please stand tall.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

What is your "one thing"...

My wife and I have three children.  Our oldest is a senior in high school and we’ve just kicked off the new school year. It already feels like the world is spinning too damn fast and the insane part about this senior year experience is how nothing has really changed, but everything feels different.  We’ve been through freshman, sophomore, and junior year, so we (his Mom and I) have witnessed all of this stuff before: tennis matches; homecoming dances; swim meets; golf matches; time with friends; band parties; work shifts; leaving his shit around the house; and yet all of it feels different because these are the last times we’ll get to see these things from the vantage point of being his high school parents.  Exciting and saddening simultaneously. 

Through the summer and into the start of this school year, I could see his wheels turning too: where will I go to school; what will I do for work; is this Common App thing going to be a pain in the ass; where will I live; how many hours do senior pictures take… and then, last weekend, he asked us for perspective on something a bit deeper.  He wanted to know why he hadn’t found his “one thing”.  I thought I understood what he meant when he asked, but I had to ask for some more clarity.  It was early evening on a Sunday night, so as much as I enjoy a good esoteric talk, I wanted to make sure I was going to be able to support what he was looking for and not take us into the wee hours.  What he shared hit home.  He expressed feeling like he was missing out on some of life because he hadn’t identified something that inspired him, fully.  Something that triggered a desire to place all of his passion and energy into it.  He went on about how he was feeling and I loved that he took my wife and me down this path.  The question saddened me a bit, especially because he was feeling that he was lacking in life because he didn’t have “one thing” to throw all of his life’s energy at.  He rattled off a bunch of friends who he assumed had their “one thing” and this assumption was powering his outlook.  What caused it?

It’s talked about often – the societal pressure that kids face today – and I think it’s totally different (and more intensified) than my Generation X cronies ever experienced.  The idea of finding this “one thing” can be painful.  And…with some wisdom behind me, I think to myself, “who wants to find one thing anyway?”  Our world is made up of diversity (we look for diversity in school, at work, in our day to day lives – you know, that well rounded person and those differing opinions that make us unique, but somehow, we have shoved the idea that kids must excel at “one thing” and find their passion by the time they graduate high school?  I call bullshit.  One sport athletes, kids being asked to choose their major before they even go off to college, asking what they want to do for a living (at 17).  It all seems so crazy to me, so very real to him.

As a side note: outside my parenting, husbanding, and occasional “adulting” duties, I am a recruiting executive, a coach, and an author.  I live by, coach, write about, and share principles that I call Paperclip Thinking.  This thinking is a way that triggers the brain to be more divergent in thought and the principles – self valuation, personal accountability, introspection, divergent thought, intentional living – have supported me in opening up the way I make decisions and process deep questions.  When I think about various topics I enjoy finding multiple solutions to a perceived challenge and as easy as it can be to get trapped in believing that there is only one right answer to a challenge, I use the following phrase as a way to open up my mind and identify more options.  The phrase, “How many ways could we…” does just that.  It challenges me to start building lists of possibilities.  Let’s apply this Paperclip Thinking to the “one thing” scenario...How many ways could you appreciate the diversity of your life’s many activities?  How many ways could tons of experiences add value in your life?  How many ways could you choose a profession/activity that inspires you?  Start writing and create lists that answer the questions you’ve posed to yourself.  I believe the answers will come from the lists of possibilities.

Now here is something else to think about.  Are we coaching our children to find “one thing”?  Are we inadvertently guiding them to throw all of their energy into one sport, one activity, or one club?  Could this be a recipe for pain and pressure?  Personal introspection moment…did my wife and I teach our son that he was lacking in life because he didn’t have “one thing”?  Maybe.  And if so, could we unwind this thinking before the sun rises on Monday morning?  Eh – maybe not.  I do know this.  I love learning from my son.  He teaches us as much and as often as we teach him.  His question made us think.  I, for one, have read a number of stories, watched documentaries, and have spoken to parents about this topic.  It seems there are fewer kids sampling life.  Could there really be a larger numbers of kids no longer bouncing from season to season, playing different sports, joining different clubs, interacting with different people, and sampling life?  They seem to be training, planning and preparing to do their “one thing” and I feel like this might be setting them up for a bubble that is destined to burst.

To my son…if “one thing” is the popular thing now…maybe your “one thing” could be the fact that you are exploring so many things.  You are sampling and for that…we are excited for you.  Keep it up, my man.

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery or set up coaching and group talks/sessions.

A new path...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  Through Paperclip Thinking LLC, I also support group and individual coaching sessions as well as book talks for groups of 15-20.  You can connect with me through www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

I work with high school students, college students, and adults who have in interest in a different way of thinking and living.  The anxiety that plagues so many is painful to hear about: the incessant use of technology (as a means of pulling away from dialogue and connection); how we define bullying; fear of failure, the illusion that is perfection; must have a 4.0, have to score 1300+ on the SAT, should play a sport in college, have to have the best body, need to make my parents proud, must be an entrepreneur, have to have a huge income, need to send my kids to an Ivy League school…any of this sound familiar?

Yes- all of this MUST, SHOULD, HAVE, and NEED pressure drove me bat shit crazy too, yet so many of us still seem to wonder why ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, Mass Shootings, Loneliness, and Pain appear on the Top List of all of our news channels?

I’ve had enough.  Have you?  If so…I have an invitation for you.  I have a program that I created after working my way out of “the box”.  I use the metaphor of “the box” because that’s what life used to feel like.  That box of pressure, fear, anxiety, and depression that I seemed to live in.  The beautiful news…all of that stuff that you read about, that I just listed, and we all quiver about from time to time, is partly a self-inflicted illusion (at least it was, for me).  There is another way of thinking, behaving, and responding to the world around us.  I won’t claim that stress, pain, and some of the discomfort that seems to be the norm today will simply vanish or disappear, but what I can say is that I have been practicing a new set of behaviors and they support me in seeing the creativity, the beauty, the innovation, the prosperity, and the love that is in our world.

If you feel overwhelmed by the life you’re currently living…feel free to reach out and I’m happy to share what I learned and how I apply it.  Maybe it could benefit you, too?

That Gorge we perceive looks deep and dark.

How do we cross? How do we part?

Part from the path where pain exists.

Across to a place where harmony persists.

One board at a time.

One board more.

Through patience and persistence- this is not a chore.

Invest in you, learn and grow, so you can experience the world’s beauty and flow.

Is this a bridge that will pave the way?

Can we build this bridge each and every day?

Building is powerful, it’s time with Dad, the time we’ve loved

and the time we’ve had.

Welcome all who build together.

For in the end we’ll fly light as a feather.

This doesn't have to be the norm...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

Anxiety and Depression are way too mainstream for my liking.  Like millions of others, my first bout of anxiety started in 7th grade and it took years of suppression for that subtle anxiety to become a real problem, which led to a “break down” when I was 26 years old.  I spent the subsequent 21 years reading, writing, researching, experimenting with new behaviors, dedicating myself to remedying the anxiety and depression I lived with.  I chose to function with an anxiety pill from time to time, chose to have a few drinks, buried down feelings, reminded myself that “life is hard”, and I faced off with people who woke most mornings wondering how anyone could feel anxious or depressed and then I watched them plant their left foot in front of their right foot and keep on moving, which felt impossible to me.  This world is filled with all kinds of stories, all kinds of remedies, and I am intrigued by all of them.

I am in a different place now.  I am more comfortable in sharing my experiences because I believe it to be one of the chief purposes I am on the planet.  My purpose being to listen and share, when needed.  A purpose to remind anyone who is feeling a bit dark, a bit confused, a bit bummed out about their place on the planet - that they are not broken and that they will always have someone to talk to, and that can be me.  I will be here to listen, I will be here to support, and I’ll be here to offer experiences and ideas that could support you in shifting the trajectory of your life.

I’ve made this offer to some in my community and the people taking me up on the offer: to chat; to dialogue; to learn; are middle-schoolers, high-schoolers, and newly graduated college students.  So many young people who describe anxiety and depression as “totally normal”.  I used to believe the stereotypes that it was only the “middle aged” or the newly unemployed who faced these challenges (and was typically remedied with a “rub some dirt on it” mentality), but as you read and listen to the reports, the stories, and see the behaviors…this is officially “the norm” for so many of our children.  Let’s work to stop this.

If you know someone struggling, I’m letting you know that I’ve been there, I’ve begun to see a way more peaceful way of living and I am here to listen.  Change will take discipline, courage, and it takes vulnerability, so if you want to explore a new way of thinking and behaving…I’m here. 

Is it worth living...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of light and productivity.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

Is it worth living?  How would you answer that question?  What has you say yes or no?  Each of us when faced with that question will inevitably have some kind of perspective.  Those perspectives might be as shallow as a puddle or they could be as deep as the darkest depths of the ocean, and most will have answers that sit somewhere in the middle. I’ve spent more than 12 years answering that question and working to refine and support my answer with fresh experiences and data.  I wanted the data because my answer has changed over the years.  Yes- I’ve lived through periods (like so many have) where the idea of an “early exit” seemed plausible and I’m blessed to say that I’ve reflected back and share that 75% of my life has been filled with poetic reasons that support me in wanting to live and to explore and to learn on this planet. As one of my favorite philosophers, Osho, said, “never born-never died…just visited from 1972-?”.

The 2008-2018 time of my life was filled with intense learning due to a self-reflective project that was focused on my own personal accountability for choosing happiness and life over depression, anxiety, and early death.  I captured and journaled about experiences and my learning and I share my transition from dark to light with those who are interested in some change, themselves.

As a culmination of this project, I did something incredibly courageous… I wrote a letter to my family describing what led me to my depression and to the idea of “early death”.  I wrote this letter on September 19, 2018 and it was the first time I’d shared the explicit detail on paper.  I’ve read the letter to my wife and as a therapeutic way to gain closure on my “project” and as a way to open a new door of peace and happiness in my life. I made an agreement to live for a year working and living by the very principles that I discovered during my ten year project and I’ve been writing and exploring how I feel: mentally, physically, and spiritually. I wanted to see what life would feel like when someone practiced the principles that took me ten years to discover and refine. I’m following the five pillars of the Paperclip Thinking philosophy: I’m living life aligned to what I value of myself (being rested, being a story teller, being healthy, being a connector of people, and coaching those who request support), I hold myself accountable for all decisions I make, I reflect daily (through my journalism), I work to create value daily, and I’m intentional with how I live, each day. 

Here is what the last year taught me:

I’ve learned that it is nearly impossible to feel inspired if you only think about challenges in life.  Taking time to be vulnerable (with yourself and others) can be a good thing, yet only focusing that vulnerability on areas of improvement or negativity will crush your ability to smile.  In short- don’t be too hard on yourself.

I’ve learned that all things we experience will pass.  All of your decisions (and their consequences) will work out to be okay and nothing can impact your ability to choose peace and happiness, but you.  Your spirit will remain intently focused on harmony regardless of what you are experiencing, if you choose harmony and we get to choose, every day.

I’ve learned that I have placed money as the center gear of my life and I placed my happiness on the shoulders of that “money”.  I don’t recommend doing that.  Money is fun to have, it can make life’s journey easier, so I’m not advocating against having money, I’m simply suggesting that I had been working in reverse (do what I needed to do to get it), and I learned that if you focus on finding a way to earn the money through creating value for someone else (not doing anything necessary), doing something that inspires you…that is where special shit occurs (and that is what I do for a living now), so if you don’t feel aligned, call me and I’ll guide you through ways to get to the spot where I now sit.

I’ve learned that we are all part of a very special group - and there are so many fascinating stories, learnings, and experiences that you can gain when you spend time connecting with people, so please connect with as many people as you can.

I’ve learned that dialogue leads to connections, connections lead to opportunities and opportunities lead to partnerships - and this has become my mantra for living.

I’ve learned that this life if for YOU.  If you are in a dark place- that’s okay, because you aren’t alone.  Spark a torch – and you can spark that torch with dialogue and vulnerability.  Use that torch’s light to show you a different perspective on what you are going through and then remember the previous learnings I’ve shared in this article: don’t be too hard on yourself, all things will pass, focus on what inspires you, and connect with people.

Cheers to you and your journey…

How do you define importance...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to a life of peaceful and productive.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

I’ve been curious about the topic of importance for a number of years and more specifically, the importance I place on certain things.  When I reference “things”, I’m referring to the more materially specific things, yet the curiosity I experience became focused away from the things and more on my interpretation of the word importance.  As part of my daily routine, I write in a journal, I contemplate and think about some stuff, I meditate, and then I get on with my day.  This morning, I asked myself the question, “What’s on my list of things that I would consider important?”  Yes…I was having a 1-person dialogue, which is what happens when you conduct a twelve year longitudinal study of yourself – you become comfortable with self-chatter.  After I posed myself the question, I followed with meditation, and following the meditation came a list and I’ll share a sampling:  my career is important; being a Dad is important; being a Spouse is important; earning money is important; being a contributing member of society is important; my cars are important; my trips & vacations are important…

What had those things make the list? The things on my list seemed to be titles & material items. I continued to explore and reflect and I identified healthy reasons behind each of those “things” or “titles”. Cars for safety and ease of transportation, career for income and family support, spouse & dad as a title that represents a means to guide other lives, to show love, and to be a part of a family unit. Great reflection, yet something didn’t feel right. To preemptively squash those who are already throwing out the “snowflake” digs… I’m not advocating that having stuff or being a parent/spouse is bad.  I’m reflecting on what constitutes “important”, to me.  As I mentioned earlier in the article, I was creating the list of things that are important to me and something didn’t feel right. I felt like a bit of a hypocrite because I’ve been talking, sharing, writing, speaking, and facilitating discussions about the negative impact that can occur when we make something overly “important” in our lives.  Making something overly important led me to attachment and when I’ve been attached to things, then happiness and productivity evades me.  During my reflection this morning, I looked up the definition of importance and found this - Importance is the subjective indicator of value – and I liked that.  I’m working to ascend my thoughts and behaviors, so that I can choose to spend as much time as possible doing things that I value. After reading this definition of importance, I created another list.  A list of what I value, then I reflected on how much time I spend each day doing the things I value.  Interesting result…

I value stories because of the energy they can create, I value smiles because they lift my spirits, I value trees for their wisdom and their creative nature.  I value comfort and rest because they heal me, I value exercise because it feels so powerful, I value bold colors because they create energy, and I value love, kindness, experiences, laughter, hugs, sweat, because I experience all of them with other people and I love group energy. I value cut grass for the smell and order of a cut lawn, I value music because music makes me think and ponder, I value the roll of a big lake because of the humility I experience when witnessing the majesty of a big body of water, I value cooking because I love creating and nourishing, I value the ability to explore what makes me tick because it makes me feel more normal.

Back to my observation: how often throughout the day am I immersed in the things I value?  The answer: 50%.  In 2016 that percentage was closer to 10%, so I’m moving in a healthy direction and my life is the data that supports the positive impact. Moving that percentage from 50% to 70% to 100% is where I’m intending to go and operating within my own personal values will lead to a deeper sense of peace and productivity.  What do you value and how often throughout a day are you doing the very things you value?  Take a look- might be an interesting find.

Cheers to you and your journey…

Life's center gear...

If you enjoy these posts – you might enjoy a copy of my book, “Happiness is Over There” – which is a personal memoir detailing the stories, learnings, and exercises I used to shift my life from dark and chaotic to light and peaceful.  You can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery.

It’s June in Michigan, which is one of my favorite times of the year.  The leaves have returned to the trees, the grass is as green as it will be all year, the flowers are blooming, the day time temperatures are in the low 70’s and the evenings require a sweatshirt.  Vacations have been scheduled, another school year is wrapping, and I can’t help but notice how each of these pieces fit together like a watch and its gears.  If you have seen the internal workings of a clock or watch, you might agree that it is quite a beautiful dance.  The gears spin, turning each other, and consequently moving the hands that share our perception of time with the world.  Each watch has a center gear, much like cars have a power train, or bikes have their crank shaft.  These “center gears” all receive energy and then they use that energy to turn everything around them.  As long as that center gear is in aligned and working, time seems to spin effortlessly.

Now…one wrong twist of that center gear and everything risks being thrown into chaos.

I like to compare my life to the nature that I live in and the watch I referenced above.  Our planet has its own center gear and it turns the tides, the seasons, and literally spins our planet around and around.  Our lives have a center gear, too, and it is my opinion that these center gears are critical to one’s ability to experience peace, productivity, opulence, wealth, and an overall happiness.

What is that part of you that you might consider the center gear? And…how many other gears does your center gear turn?  I have a work gear, a parenting gear, a philosophical gear, and an “out in nature gear”.  I have an exercise gear, a writing gear, a spouse gear, a relationship gear – and that about sums up what makes me tick.  Each one of these gears represents a facet of my life, so what turns all of my gears?  My center gear is my relationship gear, soulful connections as I like to call them.  If I am surrounded by soulful relationships, those types of relationships where conversations flow effortlessly, the topics of discussion are wide and varied, and the relationships are loose and free – then my other gears: work, exercise, parenting, etc. all seem to flow and produce amazing results.  If I don’t work on my relationships and choose wisely with whom I am spending my time, then life gets a little crazy.

If I choose to surround myself with unhealthy relationships, everything runs the risk of falling out of place.  How does your center gear affect your life?  Ponder on it, note those gears, and ensure you take care of that center gear, because it will support your life being aligned to the core of who you are and that is more powerful than most of us realize.

Cheers to all of you and your continued journeys…

Why I choose to tell you these things...

It’s been six months since the launch of my first book, “Happiness is Over There” – and you can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com to arrange book delivery. 

As I complete my 11th year of intense study, writing, workshops, reading, and coaching on the topics of self-improvement, introspection, vulnerability, dialogue, and mindfulness, I’ve had a handful of earth shaking epiphanies and the most recent one deals with vulnerability, over-sharing, and superiority.

The further I go into my own personal search for meaning I’ve recognized that I’ve had moments of total superiority – the belief that my opinions, my studies, my perspectives are RIGHT and everyone else (who isn’t in full support of me) is WRONG.  This debate of right vs. wrong does me no good (and it does no good for anyone around me). This belief led to frustration, arguments, and other negatives that I don’t want in my life, anymore.

I believe that I’m on this planet to have fun, enjoy the journey, meet new people, share and receive love, and to learn as much as I can from those around me.  In the event that some of my experiences could add value to someone else, I’ll share (when I’m asked). The when I’m asked portion of that last sentence is the new change, for me.

How will they know to ask?  They’ll see the way I’m living and grow curious.  See…If I’m not living peacefully then my stories and thoughts on these topics are just that – stories.  If I’m not listening for other perspectives, loving the people who are sharing them, and willing to support true dialogue – then I’m not in a place that is healthy, for me.

I want to be peacefully quiet, which has been a challenge for most of my life.  Making statements to prove my worth or to garner appreciation & attention only led me to isolation.  True joy occurs when I engage in the learning of others and this fuels my personal belief that peace and productivity are derivatives of vulnerability and sharing (crucial is being able to indirectly share through action: when your actions elicit the questions that spark the vulnerable dialogue).  As a good friend shares with me, often, “It’s so much more powerful to see a sermon than hear one.”

Cheers to all of you and your journeys, whatever they may hold.  A poem from me to you:

Why do I choose to tell you these things?

Something went dark years ago…

The belief in myself, it melted like snow.

What was left after the melt had begun…

An ego with depths like a majestic canyon.

I’ve explored those depths and realized this…

The journey I’m on is for me, my gift.

To squander this gift – its love and peace - because of words like right or wrong…

Is but ego’s attempt to live above ground.

You ask why I choose to tell you all of these things?

It’s to support YOU someday, when you too, choose your wings.

TFurlow

What I learned from choosing life over death...

It’s been five months since the launch of my first book, “Happiness is Over There”, (SALES PLUG) – and you can buy a signed copy at www.paperclipthinking.com or you can email me at travis@paperclipthinking.com.  Due to the time I was spending on the book project, I haven’t blogged in a year, and I’ve missed it.  No super esoteric reason for my lack of blogging, I guess I just didn’t want to force writing, so now it doesn’t feel forced and off we go…

My process for writing is predicated on having a clear mind.  If my mind is jumbled - I don’t tap into the same kind of creative vibrational energy that inspires most of my thoughts and future articles.  Simply stated – my thinking is way clearer when I don’t have a ton of shit in my head.  And… 2017 and 2018 were years that included ample amounts of good shit: starting with the launching of my coaching business; followed by the corporate consulting while attempting to keep the business open; changing the business to a publishing company (so my book could launch); securing a new job (the first of my career where I’m totally aligned and loving what I do); and doing my best to “keep it together” while all of this was spinning in my life.  I reference it as good shit, because I learned so much, and even better shit because I kept fairly peaceful through the two-year period.

The process of self-publishing was also unreal and it taught me a ton too.  Spending time editing, re-reading, and contemplating the messages from 100’s and 1000’s of journal entries that had been created over a 10-year period and then to see your words in bound print for the first time… um nom nom… it was life altering.  I was able to relive what my life was like over a decade (2008-2018) and I could see the growth and the change (how fucking cool is that)?  I was also able to garner a short list of “take aways” and I would like to share them with the world (or at least 1500 of you who might see this article after I pay $12.00-$15.00 to Facebook to boost the post that will follow this writing).

“Happiness is Over There” is a memoir style snap shot into my 10-year journey of finding solutions and new behaviors that lifted me from being anxiety ridden and depressed to peaceful and productive.  I share the story because I believe in vulnerability and dialogue (the two undertones of my life that when embraced, totally changed how I was living).  I want others to have access to this information, in case they might be in a similar spot.  Here is what I learned from 2008-2018:

1.       It’s Okay- everything that happens, every choice you make, every relationship you’re in or out of, every financial situation…it’s all going to be okay.  This is a very simple, yet profound way to view life and it has eliminated my anxiety and depression.  Believing that my life was NOT going to be okay or worst yet, up to someone else to define, is where my challenges rooted.  Most of my anxiety was self-inflicted, and that self-infliction felt so real that I began believing the illusion that life was falling apart, it wasn’t.  Everything is going to be okay and I was learning every day.

2.       Don’t wait to do – So many examples of life abruptly ending and those left living wondering what we waited for?  That visit to another country, that exploration of the soul, that relationship we wanted, that business we thought of starting, that parachuting adventure, that first book authored.  Please don’t wait…

3.       Taking a test and learning its result doesn’t define you – I carried TONS of baggage from a self-imposed belief that because I was a terrible test taker, I wasn’t going to amount to much.  And…not being a martyr, our society is pretty good and classifying someone’s future success on a series of tests.  Fuck standardized tests, I think they are the devil.  And for those who are great at them, I LOVE YOU and for those of you who aren’t great at them, I LOVE YOU, and…your work ethic and your professional alignment to the things you value about yourself will determine your peace, not your grades or your test scores.  Let go of that shit if you are holding it like I was. (holding it almost ate me alive).

4.       Be Introspective – it’s an art form, takes vulnerability, yet when done…will teach you so much.

5.       Love – be willing to love yourself and then love everyone else on the planet (even when they don’t believe in it or you).

6.       Align your actions with your words – Doing this will support clarity and this clarity will make life easier for you and for anyone else you encounter.

7.       Add value – wake each day and look to support someone in achieving what they want (as long as it is moral, ethical, and possible for you to support).  When you support them in achieving their want, it just feels good and adds value into the world.

8.       Be Curious – Ask more questions than you make statements (I’m still working on this).  If you want to understand something, go experience it, don’t lean on others to define what feels good and what doesn’t.

9.       Everything in life ties back to decisions we make – Be personally accountable for those choices.  Be willing to apologize and be willing to celebrate, yet at no time do I invite or support you with blaming anyone else for your life’s outcome.

10.   I don’t owe you shit – and you don’t owe me shit.  Entitlement is rooted in believing that someone else owes you something.  They don’t.  This was one of the most debilitating belief systems that I carried and as I’ve squashed it, life feels way more open and free.

Thanks for reading- buy my book if you want more of this topic AND…I love each of you.

Trav

Action, Love, Vulnerability, Transparency, and Resilience

I wrote this as an invocation for the Dearborn Rotary Club.  Thanks for the inspiration Candy Hipple & Lynne Hughes  and for becoming partners in a journey to support shifting perspectives on how the world is viewed.

Action, Love, Vulnerability, Transparency, and Resilience.

Action is energy that powers growth, learning, and experiences- How many ways could we “BE” ACTIVE?

Love is the energy that binds each of us- How many ways could we “BE” LOVING?

Vulnerability is the courage to speak and act with humility about topics that you may feel only impact a few, when in fact, they impact the masses. – How many ways could we “BE” VULNERABLE?

Transparency is the willingness to open your life’s book and speak from the experiences you have had and how they make you feel, so others may benefit. – How many ways could we “BE” TRANSPARENT?

Resilience is the energy that supports ACTION when Love, Vulnerability, and Transparency all seem to fall on deaf ears. – How many ways could we “BE” RESILIENT?

School Shootings, Unemployment, Missing Children, Political Adversity, Economic Challenges… we have so many reasons to consider giving up on the world.  Today, I stand here with the intention of reminding everyone I can reach that beauty still exists: the friends we have around us; the students I encounter daily and their energy for life; the support we are blessed to offer the world; the 49 degrees in the month of February (in Michigan); and the ability for each of us to choose Action, Love, Vulnerability, Transparency, and Resilience, daily! 

A ten-year journey to my first book and business...

Paperclip Thinking:  A ten-year journey to my first book and business…

In October of 2008 I began journaling.  I journaled as a coping mechanism at first, and as my journaling became more frequent, I began writing as a means to share and express how I was feeling about life (secretly searching for others who might have felt the same way).  In 2009 I realized that the content I was sharing was adding value in my life and to the lives of others, and that felt good.

Writing became a way to clear my head after spending too much of my life listening to that voice that told me, “I wasn’t enough” and “I wasn’t adding value in the world”.  At that time in my life, the only way I knew to quiet that noise was to choose behaviors that numbed the voice.  This subsequently moved me farther and farther from any recognizable chance for peace in my life.

My health (physically and mentally) was deteriorating and yet, I was able to keep a fairly strong outward appearance and I became a master at camouflaging my own misery, by wrapping it in bravado, know it all attitudes, party guy fun, and this most certainly did not feel good.

Trying to look good, not feel good led to a painful process of me losing myself and then choosing to mask that pain.  It was at this time in my life (2009) that the universe introduced me to something that I hadn’t expected, my coach.  We met through a work function and I chose to partner with her as she had lived similar challenges in her life and she had embraced different ways and perspectives of seeing life.

As I embarked on the early stages of my coaching process (2010-2012), I noticed something about my writing.  The journaling was showing growth and change and I was finding an intense solace with my perceived evolution.  The pain from decades of living in fear didn’t simply vanish, although I was able to see life differently and adjust some of my behaviors, so I could be more impactful as a father, husband, employee, and citizen.  This process led me to answer the most important question I’ve ever answered… “What do I value of myself?” and the answers to that question supported what I valued, so I could begin choosing what I wanted for my life.  I value:

·         My willingness to be vulnerable

·         My willingness to be transparent

·         My enjoyment from seeing opportunities to add value and connecting people to those opportunities

·         My enjoyment of the process of introspection and how introspection can impact lives and businesses.

·         My compassion for people

·         My love of storytelling

These are the elements of “me” and what I value of myself.  They now fuel me to ask others what they value of themselves and this question has empowered some amazing discussions.

With all of this energy, in December of 2016 I declared that I was a coach and that Paperclip Thinking (the business shell for my services) was launched.  And then…nothing happened.  Shit!  Where were all of the clients?  Why wasn’t this message being spread?  How much money would I make?

I had become very attached to the idea of this business and I wasn’t really doing anything with the business.  I became nervous and scared about whether this message would add value.  I couldn’t answer people’s questions (as recent as January 2017) about who I was coaching and how that coaching added value to other people.  I was being impatient and I was being fear based.  All of this negative energy led me to hide out and talk about coaching, but not live the principles I coach.  That didn’t work well.

I was starting to panic in the middle of 2017 and I found myself withdrawing from some of my own principles.  I decided to do something different.  I detached from all of it.  I detached from the idea that in order to be a coach, I must have a business.  I detached from the idea that having a business meant I must have hundreds of thousands of dollars, every year.  I acknowledged the fact that I didn’t create these principles, they were shared with me and I have a responsibility to share them with other people.

I detached from the idea that a coach must charge thousands of dollars per hour to be a coach and I returned to the principles I coach.  If I wanted to be a coach:

·         What did I value of myself and do those things align with my coaching? – Yes.

·         Was I willing to explore why I was feeling so attached (fear of failure)?  – Yes.

·         Was I willing to be vulnerable and transparent? – Yes.

·         Was I willing to be intentional with the messages I send out to the universe about my health, my peace, my wants, and my care for those I come in contact with, so I could live what I was coaching? - Yes.

This detachment from the look good, supported me in doing the very thing I wanted.  I answered the questions above and then, something cool happened.  The first paying client appeared, then the first referral.  Clients two, three, and four followed, and my first corporate client came to fruition (last week).  Paperclip Thinking was launched in December of 2016, but it became a reality in November of 2017 because I let go of caring about how the business looked and I focused on supporting others with how they impact change in their lives.  I’ve become a coach.

This process, which began in 2008, has sparked my interest in creating my first book.  I’ve utilized the information and stories from my journals as the content and the book, Happiness is Over There, is scheduled to launch by the end of the year.  What I’ve learned this year is very simple.  Instead of talking about being a writer, I wrote.  Instead of talking about being a coach, I coached.

Recognizing intentions for life and realizing change is a choice and it’s rooted in action.  I’m excited about how I can support others with the change they want and I’ll do more with the blog to keep readers updated through 2018.  I’m feeling blessed to do something I love, each day, so thanks to all of you who played a part in supporting this journey.